Happy Birthday Papa

Yes, it's December 29th. The kids made you no less than three cakes.
Out of pegs. (Gotta stay thin, ha ha ha....)

All That You Can't Leave Behind

We went to Rochester for Christmas. But more on that later.
I asked Anna to help me out by packing her bag.

[Ten minutes later]
Anna: "Mommy, I'm done. I packed my dresses."
Mommy: "Really? All of them?"
Anna: "No! [scoffing as only a 4-year old can]... Just the pretty ones."

Wow, I'm That Mom, Too

You know: the one whose kid ruins the Christmas group photo.
Note Thomas in the shadows all the way to the right in the middle, above Anna. He started out on the couch like everyone else. As soon as the cameras were raised, he decided to get up and sit just a bit farther away.

And in case you were wondering, this is The Porcelli Family: (roughly) The Fourth Generation.

(This holiday season has certainly taught me a lot about myself, no?)

Look Who's Talking Now

Uh, that would be Jack.
He is also always listening. Which is possibly more disconcerting.
But the good news is I think he is going to be a fairly witty conversationalist. Some examples:

• Jack after oh-so-obviously peeing in the bathtub:
  "Mine potty here."
  
• Jack after discovering a rash on his tummy:
  "I pink, Mommy! I pink!"
• Jack after twirling around in a circle while imitating Anna:
  "House spinning, Mommy, house spinning."
• Jack after Tommy has stolen his pretzel:
  "Mine pretzel is in Tommy's mouth!"
• Jack, after being told we are out of chocolate milk:
  "Buy More!"
• Jack, after listening to Mommy say "He's such a boy!" when Thomas tackled him to get a train:
  [With perfect timing, from the bottom of the scrum...] "He's such a bad boy."
• Jack, getting impatient with Mommy at breakfast time:
  "I big boy I pour Grape Nuts."
  
• Jack, on a long car ride during which only Anna was allowed to hold the portable DVD player:
  "No DVD! Only com-pu-ter! No DVD!"
• Jack, using a shoelace to lead Tommy, who is on all fours and biting the other end of the shoelace:
  "Go horse go! Bite it! Eat it! Go!"
  
• Jack, running with shoelace:
  "Tie Mommy up! Tie Mommy up!"

And he's also very, very sweet:
[pointing at me] "Dis is my Mommy!"
[pointing at me] "I like dis Mommy!"

'Twas The Night After Christmas

I put Anna to bed.
"Mommy, aren't there 12 days of Christmas? So this was only the second one?"

You Got Big Dreams? You Want Fame?

Well fame costs.
And right here is where you start paying--in sweat.

[Back in the 80s, I really loved that show.]

This is where it all began.
The "little Gingers" featured in Discovery Programs' performance of the Nutcracker on December 9th in New York City? Think that came easy?

Think. again.

Popcorn Night Gone Too Far

"Mommy, can we put sticks in the middle of our rug and make a fire?"

Trying To Get Away With It

Anna is sitting at the table. Her plate is empty. She lets me know that she is ready for dessert.
Mommy goes to the sink to wash her hands.
Mommy encounters the remains of Anna's dinner. At the bottom of the drain.
Mommy whacks her toe on the step stool that is pulled up in front of the sink.

After some questioning and a bit of a heart-to-heart regarding the importance of truth and trust and being thankful, it comes down to this:

Me: "Anna, is that your dinner in the sink?"
Anna: "Mommy, it just slipped in there... I mean, there were all these little legs..."

The Rules Of The Game

Anna, Anna, Anna. A few points:

(1) Anna likes to play games. Scrabble Jr, Boggle Jr, Checkers, Pet Show, Chutes and Ladders, Princess Monopoly--if it has letters, a spinner, or sparkly components, she is definitely interested.

(2) Anna likes to make rules. Or (strictly as needed) make up rules.
My advice is: If you are playing a game with her and she says "let's just check the instructions", take this moment to gently remind her that (a) she does not know how to read and (b) this fact, among others, is going to make you suspicious of any Moses/Hammurabi-like revelations regarding the way things are supposed to be done.
Of course, you think, I can always object to any of these last minute additions to the rule book. Well, you can, but she's ready for that:
"Oh, it's there. It's written very small, you just can't see it."

If space and time can be bent and twisted, who are we to assume that Candyland can't?

Whoa! I'm One Of THOSE Parents

Sigh.
Yes, it is true. Evidence:
Last week, Anna brought a donut shaped cardboard cutout home from preschool. Her assignment: to decorate the cardboard as a wreath in any way that she wants.
Anna and I started to work on this. Fast forward ten minutes:

[cue mental image of she and I surrounded by scraps of felt, strands of garland, Elmer's, glitter, and craft glue, and a horse made out of a pipe cleaner]
"Mommy! This is not your wreath, it does not have your name written on it!"

Parental Controls: A Snafu

The whole NC-17 debate really loses some of its luster when your two year old is coming up with content like this.

Party Like A Rockstar?

Nah. Party like a Princess. Now that's a party.
A 'Princess Dress-Up Tea Party' for Caroline's fourth birthday, to be exact, and there is a little shop on the Upper East Side that does only this kind of thing. Dresses, tiaras, wands, sparkly slippers, jewelry, purses, makeup, tea and cake. Truly astonishing. Anna loved it.

It's That Time Of Year

... and Anna and Sloane went to see their first Nutcracker at Lincoln Center. The place was packed with elementary school girls; Gummy bears were sold alongside champagne at intermission.

Anna liked it a lot, particularly the second act. Particularly Hot Chocolate and the Sugar Plum Fairy. Only she keeps referring to her as the "Tooth Plum Fairy".
Which, in the land of sweets, seems somehow strangely appropriate.

Why Does A Glue Stick Look So Much Like Lip Balm?

I don't know.
Tommy doesn't know either.
But it sure didn't taste like Anna's Strawberry Swirl Surprise, that's for sure.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It truly was a gorgeous day in NYC on Thanksgiving. Some proof:

Young Frankenstein

It was Tommy's first Potato Head.
And we were all speechless.
He was really, really, really proud of himself.

How It's Gonna Be

I will relay a short anecdote:

Thomas pushes Jack.
I tell Tommy to apologize.
Tommy looks at Jack.
Tommy says "I sorry Jack."
... and delivers another good shot to Jack's midsection.

Remember This Post

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream ?
Well, to make a long story short, times have changed.

My children now cry for: Mita-mins, La-la-pop, and Happy To You.
Which, roughly translated from Tommy-speak, yields: Vitamins, Lollipops, and Birthday Cake.

Nice. Progress is our middle name.

Kindergarten Interview: What You Wish You Knew

Sigh.
All I will say is, at the end of my "roundtable discussion with current parents", after Anna and all the other children came bounding back into the room with their little flashlight souvenirs, I was very happy that Anna jumped on my lap, smiled, asked me to open my mouth, and shined her little light inside.

How cute is this?, I thought. Clearly, any admissions professional would be able to see that Anna loves me and we are connected and she is brilliant and interested in lots of things like teeth and tongues and excited to explore and will obviously be hugely successful.
(As soon as she graduates from college. Which is some time after she starts Kindergarten.)
All of this was clear to me.
Let's just make it brutally clear to everyone else, shall we?

Wow Anna, what do you see?

"Hmmmnnn, Mommy. Well, I see a tooth. And a tongue. And cavities... "
[Hmmnn, mention of cavities maybe not so great but maybe we will count as dental diversity or something]
"... and a piece of apple stuck in your teeth."

Hah! Funny, eh?
Hope none of the current parents were too bothered by that.

Enter The Man-Tights

Just in time for the chilly New York City winter, Thomas and Jack's friend Jonas has introduced us to man-tights. Jonas is from Norway, where man-tights are evidently de rigueur.
Or whatever that is in Norwegian.
(Standarden? Normal praksis? Google was not so helpful with this one.)

Let's see: Jack loved them immediately. Fashion, you know.
Thomas had to be convinced. Clearly it wasn't too tough.

More On The Afterlife

Anna is still busy trying to sort out exactly what happens when things die.

One of my standard lines about this is that people usually die when they are either very. very old or very, very sick. And since neither she nor anyone else in her family nor any of her friends fit this description right now she shouldn't spend time worrying about it.

This had been working for a few months, but then last week she started asking for concrete data:
"Well, how old and how sick do you have to be to go to heaven?"
"Is heaven up in the sky? Do you get there in a tube?"

I told her that dying happens to everyone but no one knows exactly when.
I told her that since no one we have met has ever been to heaven and come back with photos, we don't know exactly what it is like and can make up our own idea of where the person we love would be happiest.
[From what I can gather, Anna has decided that her heaven is somewhere in the vicinity of Churchill Downs.]
I have no idea where she got the tube thing from.
She wrapped up this conversation by asking me if heaven is where the dinosaurs went. And do they eat people?

A few days later, we were listening to her Disney Classic Children's Songs CD. One of her favorite songs for a while now has been "When the Saints Go Marching In".
When the song was done, she asked me what a saint is. I told her something along the lines of "someone who does very good things while they are alive and goes to heaven after they die".

She thought about this. Then, with her best 'Da Vinci Code' look she told me:
"Mommy! The saints go marching in! So heaven must be on the ground!"

And That Is A Reason, Not An Excuse Part III

Anna: "Mommy, I can't find my rain boots in the closet."
Me: "Anna, I know they're in that closet. If you didn't find them, you're going to have to look harder." [Yes, I said this. I know, I know.]

Anna: "Well... I don't have that much bigger eyes!"

And That Is A Reason, Not An Excuse Part II

Jenny is confronted with the scene of Anna in the bathroom struggling to take off her tights.
Anna tells Jenny they are wet and that she wants to change them. Given the context, Jenny quite sensibly assumes this has happened as the result of a bathroom-related accident. Or rather: a lack-of-a-bathroom-related incident.

Anna says No, No, No:
"No! That's not what happened on the bottom of my underwear. [long, long pause]
I'm... sweating!"

Still Itching...

... from summer to fall.
In terms of 'stop-traffic-ability', Marilyn has some serious competition from these three.
And they're not even showing any skin. (Well, mostly none.)

On Our Way To Radio City

We stopped for a few photos.
Not in front of the theater itself or the tree in Rockefeller Center, for some reason---no, no, we chose to stand in front of the GAP and pose inside the 86th Street subway station.

But despite the lack of photographic proof, we did manage to see see the Rockettes do their Christmas Spectacular.
Well: at least one hour of it. And it was a good hour, broken only by Jack's cries of "I hungry Mommy" and Tommy's chant of "Home now! Home now!" and the prick of tiny daggers being thrown my way by the people sitting in front of us.
Still: all in all I would say it was pretty successful.

And it must have been what allowed me the next day to hear Anna yelling at Jack:
"Jack! Stop it or I am going to drop you like a Rockette!"
Hmmmnn. (If you happen to understand what the implied threat there is supposed to be, definitely shoot me an email.)

Jack Made a Hose

We knew he was fond of hoses. I mean: really fond.
But did we have any idea that he could make a hose out of Magnetos?
No, we did not.
But then there it was, and here he is spraying down the big cardboard box.

I'm not sure what it is with Jack and things that spray. And evidently it is not just the water that is appealing to him; Jack gets that same maniacal "hose look" when he's holding a hair dryer.
Which he often does, of course, because doing someone else's hair is one of his most favorite things to do. Along with styling his own.

Yep, Jack's a smart guy. He can also make an ice cream cone out of Magnetos. And a triangle (which he identified himself, BTW). Jack also likes to pretend he's Mommy. He does this by grabbing a plastic bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and telling me: "bye Mommy!", "be right back!", and "go to meeting".

Then he walks around the corner so I can't see him.
Five seconds later he will come running back into the room, pretend to reach for something on the floor and say "forgot! umbrella!".

What can I say? My exits are a bit scattered. Like Mommy, like Jackie.

Let's Play A Game

I'll give you a quote , and you try to guess the context and the brother that said it.
Ready? Here we go:

• "Only hands go in there..."
  Yep. It's Jack. And he was talking about the sink, ok?
• "Ommy climbed up too!"
  Jack again. After both had been discovered atop Mt. Dresser-est.
• "Ommy broke it!"
  See a pattern here? Jack lets me know what his brother has been up to.
• "Go away Mommy over there."
  Jack indicates that he wants to begin a game of hide and seek.
• "Trees bother you."
  Sigh. Jack is scared of the foliage.
• "Jack do ballet."
  Right. And just ask him what his favorite color is.
  (Hint: it rhymes with 'ink'.)
• "Leg off. Eat leg."
  It was Thanksgiving, people. Jack was impressed by Daddy's Henry VIII-like maneuver on the turkey.
  
• "Messy down here."
  Jack helps me clean up after Thanksgiving dinner. As if it would even be possible for me to drop all of these crumbs on my own.
• "No kiwi, no carousel, no monster, no jello."
  Jack's anti-Christmas list. Things not to offer him.
  

Hmmm.... it sounds like Thomas says nothing at all. Which is not the case. He is just a bit more practical:

• "Eh-coo-me".
  Excuse me.
• "Ah bee eh-coo-me".
  May I be excused please?
• "ROCK AND ROLL!"
  Self-explanatory.
  
• "Ah wuv woo"
  I love you.
• "DD cars! DD cars! DD cars!"
  I want you to put the Cars DVD in NOW.
• "Pee kee boo!"
  If Thomas says this to you, act surprised.
• "Smoke! Smoke!"
  No worries Tommy isn't asking for a cigarette. 'Smoke' is what he calls his Thomas the Tank Engine train, "the smoke train". Endless fun is to walk up to Tommy in the playroom and ask him "Smoke? Smoke?" and have him say yes and then smile sweetly at everyone staring at me as I reach for something in the diaper bag.
  
• "More rice please!"

Overall, Tommy's words have a strangely "Scooby-Doo"-like quality to them. Which makes them sound even cuter, of course.

Twins: That Special Bond

Some special things the brothers do (often to each other):

• Tackle in the open field (at the ankles or waist), while trying to disguise it as a hug.
  If you are watching the Jets twenty years from now and a big, blond, non-tattooed linebacker puts a tooth-rattling hit on some poor scrappy wide receiver and you lip read as they are crashing to the turf and realize the linebacker is shouting "Uggies! Uggies!", think about Jack and remember exactly how Thomas got so good.
  I think Jack's potential in the NFL is inherently limited because of all the helmets they wear. Biting someone else's ear is much less effective when the other person is wearing a helmet.
  
• Jack can scale any child safety gate you put in front of him. But he doesn't try to do this very often. Ever since he figured out how to just open the gate he hasn't felt the need to risk falling on his head.
• Sit on top of their dresser. No comment.
  But very soon their room is going to look similar to a prison cell. I've already removed the lamp.
  
• Attack each other with puzzle pieces (aka dinosaur teeth).
  
• Argue over the ABC song. That's right: sometimes they'll sing it together and at certain points not be in agreement about what letter comes next. Very cute.
• Play "train" with any rope- or string- like thing they can find. They each take an end and then they run all over the apartment. First one to fall and hurt himself loses.
  

How Do You Know When It Is Time To Put Away The Talking Globe?

When your daughter begins to refer to her twin brothers as 'Trinidad' (Jack) and 'Tobago' (Thomas), then you know it is time to put away the talking globe.

Tickling the Ivory

Renting A Room At The Hotel California

Jack wants to know:

• How lucky am I to get a room that is the exact width of me plus my guitar?
  
• Uh, why is it that I can check out, but then can't actually leave?
• Who is this other kid putting his neck on my instrument?
• Aaaaaah! Why oh why isn't the rock and roll lifestyle all it's cracked up to be?
• What is with the size of this door, anyway?

And why is Mommy taking a picture
instead of helping me???

Daddy's In Charge

Just In Time For Christmas...

... Anna's world expands.
"Mommy, can you buy all those things on TV?"

Street Cred, Part II

"Mommy, you're so bossy!"
"Mommy, you're always telling me things I don't want to know!"

Regression Isn't A River In Egypt

Exersaucers! (Remember those from way back when?)
Currently very popular for chicken fights amongst the playroom set.

Sigh.

I'm almost embarrassed posting this but then I ask myself two questions:
(1) Will I want to remember this twenty years from now?
And (2) Will it still be funny?

Yes and oh, yes.
Good. Now that that is taken care of:

Jack and Thomas are in the tub.
Jack shouts 'Pee pee! Pee pee!'.
I take Jack out of the tub. Jack sits on the toilet.
And he sits.
And he sits.
Jack looks down. He grabs his penis (incredulous!) and says 'Not coming out! Not coming out!'.
Jack looks up.
Jack looks down again.
Jack gives his penis a good yank and starts to shout 'Turn on! Turn on!'...

Questions and Attitudes

Anna is filled with them. Here's a sample.

We start with the investigative and matter-of-fact:

• "Mommy, how do the plants just disappear when winter comes?"
• "Mommy, why do bees make honey?"
• "What is holding the terrace up?"

... and continue with the touching yet slightly mischievous:

• "Do Mommies always remember what you [Anna] are doing while they [Mommies] are sleeping?"
• "Mommy, why are farmers the ones who have beehives?"
  [Read: "If we're so sure it's not going to fall down, why can't we get one for our terrace?"]

... and finish with the skeptical and borderline litigious:

• "Mommy, now how does a baby just appear in your tummy?"

Notice: no answers. I promised to Google and get back to her.

Jack's A Rocker

Well, we saw this coming. And even before that. And even before that.
But when Aunt Stacy handed him that guitar for his belated 2nd birthday, everything just clicked.

It is Thomas, however, who likes to shout 'ROCK... AND... ROLL' at random moments throughout the day.

The Dept. of Health & Welfare

Cough Medicine. Ah, yes. Health in a bottle. All my children love it.
Purple, sugary liquid in a cute little cup? No-brainer. They see a medicine bottle, they come running. The cries of "Med-sin! Med-sin!" fill the air.
I line up the two (or three) little measurement cups in a row on the counter. Jenny holds the children back while I pour. The poor sibling whose fortune it is to not be sick for another 2 or 3 days begins to wail. If this happens to be Anna, she'll attempt to reason with me. The latest:

"But I have green boooooooooogers!"

I fill the cups and step away. They grab them, toss them back and smile.
[I think it's in the genes. I can still remember how good orange Triaminic tasted.]

And then there are the vitamins.
"Wa-wa-mins! Wa-wa-mins!"
I bought them on a lark because (1) I saw they were 'Gummy' (2) I saw that they were Princesses and (3) Anna needs her strength because she is applying to Kindergarten. (But that is a story of another kind...)
Suffice it to say, the brothers quickly realized that these magic pellets were pink and squishy and that Anna liked to eat them for dessert and demanded Wa-wa-mins as well. As you can imagine, Anna was none too excited to hand over her Princess ones. So now everyone has their own.

They know where I keep them, and two or three times a day they run over, point at the cupboard, and beg. Lovely.

Don't Know Much About History

(1) Anna and I are walking to preschool. Anna asks:
"Mommy, what was the city like before it was ready?"

Before it was ready? For what? A west side stadium? Congestion pricing for motorists?
"Before it was ready for people. You know, when there were no buildings or streets or taxis and just subway tunnels but no trains?"

Ah. I told her there were forests. And grass. And animals. But no 'Central Park'. I relayed the classic 'Dutch Swindling the Indians out of Manhattan circa 1600' story.

(Love her assumption that subway tunnels are naturally occurring geological formations, by the way. They certainly do look ancient.)

Anna's follow-up:
"Hmmm... can you say a little about Earth's atmosphere?"
Anna is very interested in the Earth's atmosphere. Not sure how it relates to subway tunnels, though.

(2) Last week was Halloween. We lit some Jack-O-Lanterns using matches. Evidently Anna was impressed with the new and exciting technology that was involved.
"Mommy, before there were candles were there lights?"

Real. Estate.

Anna has registered a complaint re the aesthetics our modern (i.e. extreme post-war) apartment building. She has decided that she really wants to live in a building "with carvings".

Hmmm. Not up on your architectural terminology?
No worries: 'carvings' is the technical term for gargoyles, cornices, friezes, pediments, pilasters, or balustrades. Anna doesn't understand why CVS or Filene's Basement always seem to have them and she does not.
She is evidently not so pleased by the sleek, modern and concrete lines of our building's facade. She wants more exterior limestone and marble; she wants Candela-like ceilings and views. Anna wants pre-war cachet and attention to detail.

Mommy, on the other hand, is simply very happy with the children's playroom.

It's Movie Night

Sometimes things can get a little crazy; a sippy cup might even get knocked over before the TV has its chance to fully take control of my children's brains.

Window Shopping In Camelot

... was never this interesting.

Halloween

1 Princess, 2 knights.
We went to preschool (where we ran into quite a few other princesses) and then the Natural History Museum for trick or treating.

And it was not very long into the evening when we decided to make the switch from swords to Dora bags. :)

Sadly (or maybe not so), it was an early night because Anna had a Kindergarten interview the next day. (But that is a story of another kind...)

Daylight Savings. Sigh.

Guess what? Anna told me why she gets up so early.
She is trying to "beat the sun".

This whole 'saving daylight' idea was clearly not invented by someone living with small children.

I Surrender

I hated it when my Mom brushed my hair.
Anna hates it when I brush her hair.

The other day I was brushing Anna's hair.
I stopped brushing for a moment to reach for a barrette.
"Mommy, you're hurting me!"

Anna quickly realized that the brush was nowhere near her hair; I took this moment to savor the small satisfaction inherent in knowing that, surely, my point had been made.

And then:
"...You're hurting my feelings!"

About ANOTHER Boy

(Read the first installment here.)

Day 1
Halloween: We are eating dinner. I ask Anna how her day was. Minimal response.
So then I ask her about Drake. I saw him sitting next to her at circle time. And I heard from Drake's mom that he wants to marry Anna.

Anna smiled. Then she finished chewing. She said "He leaned over to me at circle time and whispered 'I want to marry you'."
Then she smiled again.

My demeanor was one of utter and complete nonchalance as I asked her how she responded.
"I just played with him."

Day 2
Me: "So Anna, are you going to marry Drake?"
Anna: "Only if he was just about to be a prince."

Day 3
Anna tells Daddy that Drake told her he wants to marry her.
Daddy: "Well, tell him he has to ask me first."
Anna [looking confused]: "What? He has to marry you first?"

Halloween Teaser

Street Cred

Mommy: "Anna, pick up the jammies you left on the floor."
Anna: "Oh man Mommy you're too tough for me..."

Hmmph. Re-spek.

BOO!

Scared you, didn't we?
(from left: Thomas, Jack & Anna)

Jack's Ting-Ting

Ah yes. It is so, so, so funny having a double entendre of one's own.
Jack's ting-tings (for he has more than one) are actually just strings. Plain, ordinary, shoelace-like lacing bead strings.
That lend themselves just beautifully to unexpected mid-afternoon "naughty fabulous" comments such as:

• "Thomas, stop pulling Jack's ting-ting!"
• "Jack, NEVER EVER wrap your ting-ting around your neck! You could hurt yourself!"
• "Anna, you can't use Jack's ting-ting as Horsie's car seat strap. Jack was playing with it."

Need I say more? These just seem to get funnier and funnier to me.

Big Issues We Deal With Every Day

Do English muffins and waffles have a crust?

Anna insists yes.
She wants to extend the same "it's OK to leave the outside part" protection long held by PB & Js to these baked goods as well.
Mommy adheres to a stricter interpretation of this standard. Those 'crusts' need to be eaten.

(Hey, you've got to start somewhere with the stimulating dinner table conversation, right?)

What Goes In Must Come Out

First there was Adam and the fig leaf.
Later, it was Newton and the apple.

Last night Anna had a Eureka! moment of her own when she got up from the dinner table to use the bathroom.
"Mommy! I know what pee is! It's water, milk, and juice!"

Star Wars: Indulge Me

[Note: I am aware that this post has about a 99% chance of being incredibly confusing to everyone but me. And I'm OK with that.]

I am a dork, I know.
But nonetheless: I give you "preparing for the pony ride" through the lens of George Lucas (complete with X-wing pilot helmets) and starring

• Anna as Princess Leia
• Jack as Luke Skywalker
• Thomas as Han Solo.

Top Photo
Luke: "I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you!"
Leia: "You're who?"
Luke: "I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you!"
[Luke starts to whine and look desperate.]
[A few other things happen.]
Leia: "This is some rescue! When you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?"

Bottom Photo
Han Solo: "Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself."

The 7 Year Itch @ 4 Years Old

Sloane, Ella, and Anna re-interpret a legend.

When Is An Abacus Not An Abacus?

That's easy:
When Jack is convinced it is his guitar.

He's quite the troubador, you know.
After dinner sing-a-long on the couch, anyone?

Fashion Faux Pas

(Or 'faux hooves', to coin a phrase.)
Ugh. It's always a bummer when someone wears the same thing you do.
And when that someone is a cow, it is even worse.

We Went Pumpkin Picking

But, NO, we didn't get any pumpkins. I believe Anna's current answer for why this was the case is "The line was too long and the brothers were getting crazy..."

But guess what? No one was disappointed.
I mean, once you take into account the apple picking, hayride, goats to pet and smell, funnel cakes, and yes lots of running through the pumpkin patch looking for pumpkins that would never make it back to Manhattan, you can see why having to come back into the city to merely physically select your pumpkin from the deli two blocks away was not such a big deal.

And make no mistake: the number one reason that Outhouse Orchards was so very able to rise above it's name was the pony rides. (Sebastian's Mommy: thanks for tip! We owe you.)



Here are our cowpokes. Anna, of course, was somewhere far, far beyond happiness when she saw the horse. What surprised me was that Jack and Thomas wanted to go on as well. Particularly Jack. He wore that same stoic look the whole way around the ring, but he loved every second of it. Thomas just giggled and giggled and giggled and giggled. What a day!

Since we had 'gone country' anyway, we stopped at my friend Jen's place in Riverdale on the way back for a campfire (34" pit, I believe) in her backyard. Anna, Thomas, and Jack all roasted marshmallows while retaining their original eyebrows.

Some top quotes from the trip:

• We took the Cross Bronx Expressway to get out to the orchards. As we drove through the Bronx, we all recalled that Diana lives in the Bronx. Anna's comment: "Yep, the Bronx sure looks good..."
• We get to the Outhouse Orchards (grass) parking lot. We get out of the car. We start to walk. We realize we are not walking very fast. This is because every 5 feet or so Thomas looks down and sees a rock that he has to pick up and announce. "Rock! Rock!" "Big Rock!" Even the parking lots are more exciting out here...
• When we got to Jen's house they started up the grill and everyone was munching happily on their burgers and hot dogs. Until Anna looked up and wondered "When are we going to do camping?"
  At which point the fire pit was readied.
  Soon Anna had her stick, her marshmallow and her fire. She looked up at the moon and delcared: "Yep, it sure is a nice night for camping."
  And then someone decided that Anna's marshmallow was done and started to take it off of the stick for her. Anna watched this happen and then let this person know that "Real camping is when you get to eat your own marshmallow."
  

What a day, eh? I love fall.

What a TuTu Can Do For You

The Answer Is: "BACK! BACK!"

What is...
What you don't want to hear your son happily yell right before you suspect something and turn around and see your son about to do a reverse belly flop (remember that 'team-building exercise' where you stand in front of someone and are supposed to just fall back and trust that they catch you? Exactly). Off of the couch. With no other team members in sight.

Wow. At least he had the sense to scatter a few pillows on the floor beneath him. Still, I think the re-entry would have been a doosy. Glad he was excited enough about his trick that he had to announce it first.

We Missed A Ballet Class

... because we are applying to Kindergarten.
(But that is a story of another kind...)

So, I signed Anna up for a make-up class the following Saturday.
And I told her about it. On Friday I said "Anna, you're going to a make-up class tomorrow because you missed ballet this week."

Anna was very excited about this. Really excited.
On Saturday morning, I told her to go get her ballet clothes on. She looked at me a bit quizzically.

"Mommy, is it a make-up class or is it ballet? So that I can look more beautiful?"

My Boys Of Summer

Don't want to give up their shorts. And short sleeve T-shirts.
Jack doesn't like to wear long pants.
Socks? Jack has no memory of socks.
All they are is "too tight" on his toes. "Too tight! too tight!"

And it took us a while to convince Thomas we weren't crazy when we put a footed sleeper on him at bedtime a few days ago.
"No shoes! No shoes!"
"No shoes! No shoes!"

Got Fire?

Well, here's your crew.
Anna's class visited the fire station and a fireman came to their school.
Did I mention they all received fire chief hats?

(And I have no idea why Anna thinks one block is good enough for a First Down.)

On Homonyms And Waking Up With A Cold

"Mommy, I sound like horses!"

Halloween Costume Selection

Sigh. I suspect that this Halloween kicks off the first holiday season in which the boys have opinions. This has made the costume decision much more difficult.

For starters, Jack wants to be Dora. Is determined to be Dora. Is working hard on Daddy to let him be Dora.
Jack is not going to be Dora.

Anna wants to be a horse.
[Cue 'which end? the front or back?' jokes...]
Needless to say, horse costumes are a bit complicated. They usually involve lots of 'extra' legs dangling around, and also having one hand occupied with the reins so that the head will stay up. The image of her navigating the steps at preschool is not a pretty one.
(And I trust the bathroom challenges inherent with this type of getup are self-explanatory, no?)
The only other option I could get her to consider was a unicorn. Not a big help.

But then I saw the unicorn head on a stick toy (a la a witches broom) and I knew I had it. So now Anna's costume is officially:

"A Princess Riding A Unicorn"

Or, more accurately, Sleeping Beauty riding a unicorn. Because Sleeping Beauty is her favorite princess. Do you know all the Disney princesses? No? Really? Well, you should spend some time with Anna and her friends; you'll get educated very quickly.

I was thrilled when this was all worked out; I ended up ordering Anna's Sleeping Beauty costume online (disneyshopping.com has lots on sale right now). Anna helped me order; I explained that it would come in the mail. The next day I heard her tell Jack:

"I'm going to be Sleeping Beauty! FreshDirect is bringing my costume!"

He Said, He Said

Anna: Eeewww! Something smells like poo!

Thomas: Jack do!
Jack: Tommy do!

So this is how it's going to be.
Sigh.

Happy Birthday Gwammy

This Is Where It All Happens

Guess what? Right now Anna is into writing letters.

Making name labels and taping them on their potties so that the brothers know exactly which one to sit on?

Right, that was what occurred to Anna, too, as a way to get in some extra practice writing.

Yoga For The People

Tired of those snobby yoga studios heavy on the attitude but light on the enlightenment?
Right. Us too.

Come, join us for a free session right outside your door in nature's own Riverside Park, allowing NYC's 'Ganges-esque' public park water to work its magic on your chakras.

And don't worry: you'll quickly forget that that creeping dampness you feel is more than just energy.

And we also humbly suggest wearing underwear you can be proud of.

Hanging Out

I liked this shot. I thought the 'sun rising over the phone booth' effect was quite cool.

And whose kids are those, anyway?

SNACK!

Is evidently toddler English for 'Garcon!'.
At least I think this is the case because every time we go to a restaurant, as soon as Thomas is seated he starts looking around for the waitstaff, jabbing his finger in the direction of his little (empty) bread plate and shouting this at the top of his lungs.

Deep Thoughts: Space and Time

• We went to Coney Island 2 weeks ago (but more on that later). As we exited the Subway we could see the Cyclone and the ferris wheel in the distance. Anna's excited comment:
  
  "Mommy, the ferris wheel is kind of like Uranus without the rings--it spins tipped on its side!"
  

• Anna is sitting in the stroller after a long day and a hard fall. She is looking up at the sky.
  
  "Mommy, does the sky have ceilings? So that helium balloons can't just go up in space?"

• Anna has this USA map placemat. It has a drawing of a dinosaur on Montana. Presumably because that is a state where they dig up lots of dinosaur bones. Or perhaps there's more. Anna looked closely at the placemat the other day and said:
  
  "Mommy! Can you believe it? There are dinosaurs alive in Montana!"

Thomas

Thomas has not been a very good boy of late.
He is not sleeping well in his big boy bed. And he is very, very terribly two.

This is him at River Park.
Unlike the other small children, Thomas not only sits in the "river", he also lays in it.
He splashes his face and neck with it as if it were cologne.
He bends over and dunks his head in it as if he is in a Gatorade commercial.

As Anna put it to him sternly: "Thomas, you are causing confusion and delay."
And that's the least of it. (I would add pain and suffering.)

So I'm posting this to help me think happy Tommy thoughts.
Because he will wake up at 4:30AM tomorrow.
And then I'll need those thoughts...

Urban Shame

That's right: My Sons Are Afraid Of Trees.

Particularly when the wind blows and moves the leaves. Almost like magic.
There, now it's out there.
I feel better already.

How Things Work

"Tommy, turn it back on! Press the powder button!"

Thomas likes to play the Leap Pad with Anna. Thomas likes to push all available buttons. Thomas ends up un/intentionally turning off the Leap Pad several times during one of their play sessions. At which point you hear Anna scream at him to turn the thing back on. I wonder why Tommy never seems to get the thing back on...

This is another in Anna's line of creative-button-names-for-electronic-gadgets. I mean, who could forget the cheese button?

Jack, I Can't Play Right Now

... because I have to get something ready for dinner.
[Mommy starts to make rustling noises in the kitchen.]

What does Jack do?
He walks over to the drawer where we keep the delivery menus.
He opens the drawer and picks out the menu of the place we order from the most.
He hands me the menu.
No, I am not proud of this.

Jack also refers to heating hot dogs in the microwave as 'cooking'.
Again, not so proud.

All this reminds me of the day when I realized that 1-year old Anna knew her phone number. I was on the phone with our favorite Vietnamese place, had just finished my order and was asked for our phone number.
I got as far as "212-8" before Anna, quietly playing across the room, looked up and shouted out the rest.

Sigh.

Don't Hate Her Because She's Beautiful

... or because her Crazy Chemistry Class happened to land her in a magazine.
That's right: Anna, et al. are the new cover girls for the Children's Museum of Manhattan. This full page spread was in the October issue of Time Out NY Kids, page 59.

(from l to r: unknown girl in red, Sloane, Anna, Katharine)

The Art Of The Deal

Thomas and Jack wake up. Yes, it is 5AM.
Jack immediately runs over to the couch and grabs Tommy's favorite train.
Tommy decides he needs to do something. He starts with the straightforward approach and tries to grab it out of Jack's hand.
Jack is a bit too quick for this.
I do my Wharton-based parental intervention thing and say one word: "trade".

Tommy looks around.
He grabs another train. He offers it to Jack.
Jack knows he's got a hot commodity. He refuses.

Tommy looks around again.
He grabs Elmo off of the couch. He shoves it in Jack's face.
He shouts "Elmo!". Still, Jack does not budge.

Tommy looks around again.
He sees the other Elmo (we have two boys, after all) on the couch.
He grabs the other Elmo. He shoves it in Jack's face.
He yells "More Elmo!".

Creative, but ultimately unsuccessful.
I suppose it is true that you can have too much of a brightly colored puppet with a high pitched voice.

When I Die, You Can Be In Charge

No, I did NOT say this to any of my children.

Anna said it to me.

We were playing her current favorite game where she is the Mommy and I am the Anna and her stuffed animal horse is my "little sister". She wanted to do something one way. I, clever child that I am, suggested a different way.

At which point she looked me in the eye and set me straight on exactly when my turn was going to be.

Eastside, Baby!

That's right. Our buddies Hugo and Jasper had their birthday party on the other side of the park, so you know what that means: cab ride! First one with just Mommy and the brothers.

Naturally, I took some candid shots.

(And yes the ride definitely went much more smoothly after I took a moment to share with the cab driver Jack's tendency towards regurgitation in jerky, darting vehicles.)

It's A Guideline, Not A Timeline

Scene: Anna and Jack are doing their thing on their respective potties (sp?) in the bathroom. Jack is catching up on Maisy's latest adventure book while Anna is flipping through her horse encyclopedia

Jack says "All done!" and starts to stand up.

Anna: "What?? You're not done. You haven't even turned all the pages yet!"

Urban Dangler

Yeah, I let my kids do this.

Down On The Corner, Out In The Street

No doubt John Fogerty had this good looking crew in mind when he penned those lyrics.

Thanks, Gwammy & Gwampy for all your help with our birthday party (photos coming soon).
And for the ice cream at 84th & Broadway, of course...

Thoughts On The Bridge

You know, the part of a song "that connects two parts of that song, building a harmonic connection between those parts.".

The other morning at breakfast while we were listening to the

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

part of Piano Man, Anna looked up and said "You could make your own song up here!"

What Is A Vegetarian Doctor, You Ask...

It seems obvious, eh? A doctor that doesn't eat meat.
It is also what Anna wants to be when she grows up.

Sort of.
After Anna told me that when she grows up she wants to be the person at the stable who gives the horses a shower, I told her that was great and why doesn't she think about med school while she's at it? That way after all the horses are nice and clean she can also be a veterinarian, which is a doctor who can take care of horses when they are sick.

Not sure if she got my message.

Because When You Live In The Hudson River

... *someone* has to throw you food.

So Jack and Thomas and I took all the stale Saltines and goldfish that we found at the bottom of the diaper bag and gave those ducks and geese and seagulls a feast the likes of which they had not come across for some time.

The School of Hard Knocks, Crayola Campus

Guess what? Anna's preschool class has been learning about colors.
I think she's learned a lot:

"Jack, if you want to mix two colors together to make a primary color, you can't.
You just have to deal with it."

Deep Thought: GoodWill

The other day Anna helped me carry a bag of toys to her preschool to be sold at the school's Halloween Fair/Rummage Sale. I tried to use this opportunity to explain the importance of being thankful for what we have, charity, and re-use.

When Anna's friend's Mommy asked her about what she had in the bag, she showed off her new understanding:
"Yeah, we're giving away the brother's toys to other people's babies."

Anna and Her Friends

on left: "We're All Really Cute" (Anna, Sloane, Katharine)
on right: "Big Air" (Katharine, Anna, Alexandra)

Some Favorite Phrases

Anna is a little Mommy:

• Anna to Jack who is busy eating oatmeal with his hands: "I did not teach you that!"
• Anna to Mommy: "Let me tell you something you don't know..."
• And, of course, in a perfect Anna world:
  "OK horsie I'm the Mommy and you're the Anna and you say something and then I will do whatever your idea is."
  

Just A *Spoonful* of Sugar? That's All??

Anna after finishing all the food on her plate:
"So... what else can I eat so that I can get dessert?"
Perhaps Mary Poppins has some idea about what we are doing wrong here.

A few other recent classics:

• "I don't like protein!"
• "Pear is NOT dessert. I need something more... chocolate. Or vanilla."
• "Popcorn? I need something tastier. Like a brownie!"
  
• "I want something big AND chocolate!"
• (and of course don't forget this oldie but goodie.)
  

Lest you think a more subtle approach to calorie acquisition is beyond Anna's four year old means, the last time we walked by an ice cream truck she gave me this food for thought:

"Hmmmnnnn... let's think for a moment about what we are going to have for dessert tonite..."

Thomas, on the other hand, nearly jumps out of his stroller whenever we are in the vicinity of an ice cream truck (in other words, every three blocks).
And they don't even play that annoying music.

True Life: I Faked Daylight Savings

That's right.
Well, the 'spring forward' part, at least. So maybe I should say that I faked 'Daylight Spending'.
But only halfway.

Basically, last night I needed Anna to get a really good night's sleep before her IQ test this morning.
You know, the one she needs to take for Kindergarten. NYC public school Kindergarten.
(But that is a story of another kind...)

Anyway: I wanted her to go to bed early. This was complicated by the fact that she knows that her bedtime is 8 o'clock.
And that she knows what the big hand and the little hand are supposed to be doing at that time.

So, I did what any creative parent would do: before she came upstairs for a bath, I set her clock forward half an hour. Worked like a charm.

D'oh!

Would be Jack's current favorite word.
When I say it, he erupts in laughter.
And now he says it. And now he makes his sister say it. And oh, the laughter.

Bartender, another Flaming Moe please...

So: The Elton John Concert Is Cancelled

WWYD?

Right. That was Tommy's thought as well.

WARNING: More Potty Talk

Guess what?
Jack uses the potty.
LOVES to use the potty, actually.

He demands to go in there several times a day. He loves to sit on the aforementioned (fabulously modern and green) Boon potty chair. Once placed, he shoos everyone else away with cries of 'out! out!' and then closes the door nearly all the way.
And then he sits.
And he sings, and he plays with the toilet paper, and he plays with the wipes, and sometimes he turns the sink on. And if you go in there and ask him if he's done, he'll look at you with his most pained expression...
and make his best grunting noises to let you know that, in fact, he is still working on it.

Recently, he's started asking to go in there when Anna is in the bathroom. She was surprisingly OK with this. She is happy to pull his pants down, take his diaper off, and get him seated properly. Then the two of them just sit in there and chat and holler at Mommy to bring them books. You have to check on them often, however, because Anna loves to empty the potty chair. As in, sliding the (waste-containing) bottom tray out and dumping it into the real toilet.

Sometimes this goes well.
Sometimes it does not.

Shall We Dance?

While they're not exactly Richard Gere and JLo, Jack is definitely very optimistic about his chances on next season's Dancing With the (Animated Bilingual) Stars.

By the way: Jack loves Dora.
LOVES her.
He even has a pet name for her--she is his "sha".

Ballerina On Her Way To Work, Part II

Sing it, Dolly:

Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life

Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5...

And let me tell you: it's not easy looking this good, in a tutu, pushing a stroller, when you're late for ballet class.

And now this from "The Way We Were" department.

Deep Thought: Donkey

"It's kind of like a unicorn, but not as beautiful."

August Is The Birthday-est Month

It's August 30th, and we find ourselves singing Happy Birthday for the 2nd and third times this month. The brothers are 2! Hooray!

How Do You Grocery Shop In NYC?

Well, that's easy: child labor.
(And OK with a little help from Fresh Direct.)

Free Range Children

Uh-oh.

Just over one month ago, Jack climbed out of his crib for the first time. Truth be told, I have been trying just as hard as I can to ignore this. And Jack seemed so shocked and a bit scared by the whole experience that he didn't try again.

But, two weeks ago (after hearing some screaming) I entered the room to find Thomas precariously balanced on his stomach on the edge of the crib rail. Jack, always righteous and ever helpful, was just watching from his crib and shouting "No! No! No!" at him. Still, I tried to ignore this.

But then today at naptime Tommy made it completely out.
And so, toddler beds and open sides it is. Let freedom ring, and all that.

I was worried about this, of course. But I never gave a second thought as to what the boys would think of the beds. I mean, if their goal is to be able to get out, then these are exactly what they have been looking for, right? I thought they'd be ecstatic.

Not so.
Thomas, I could tell, was on the fence about all this. Jack's reaction was decidedly more definite: he started shouting "No! No! No!", tried to push the bed out of the room, and made 'unscrewing' motions with his hand in front of the screws at the end of the bed that Daddy had just spent all that time putting in. All I can say about that is that they are finally asleep. For now.

Meanwhile, Anna's reactions to all this were fantastic.

• She went from the retail: "Wait... does this mean they get new sheets?
• To the sentimental: "We're giving away their cribs? Can we keep their bears?"
• To the insightful:
  [Mommy explains to Anna that the brothers are climbing out of their cribs, so they are not safe, so they get big boy beds.]
  Anna thinks for a moment and says
  "Yeah... or a top."

We Took A Trip Today

All the way to the bottom of Manhattan. To South Street Seaport.
On the subway. This was the boy's maiden voyage.
Then we took a water taxi. Yet another first. Jack, sea dog that he is, was fine stomach-wise.

Neither of the boys was too sure about the boat, though. They didn't cry, but they were uneasy. But Jack only pointed at the dock and shouted "Back! Back! Back!" a few times.

It was perfect: a one-hour ride past Governor's Island, Ellis Island, The Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn and Manhattan. We saw helicopters landing at the helipad. We even went underneath the Brooklyn Bridge.

We ended up on a water taxi filled with a tour group from another country. One that took taking photos very, very, seriously. I mean, there were wives muscling small children (mine!) away from the rail so that they could get that perfect shot of their husband on a boat, moving, in front of the Statue of Liberty.

And then there was the eager tourist who, posing next to us as her husband took the Brooklyn-Bridge-in-the-background shot, decided (with no warning and no English) to grab Anna and get her in the photo, too. To her credit, she did it all with a smile so it was only slightly creepy and not absolutely terrifying (to Mommy), but Anna was a bit sour on our trip after that.

Highlights:

- Thomas looking at the boat's wake and getting very excited. He kept saying "Milk! Milk!".
- Jack looking at a drawing of the Statue of Liberty on the brochure, pointing to her torch, and saying "Hot! Hot!"

Mine are little men of few (but incredibly important) words by the way.

- But by far the best moment was Anna the babysitter starting to throw Thomas over the rail of the boat, with Thomas kissing the rail for dear life and dramatic affect. All with the Brooklyn Bridge in the background, no less. It's a good thing I was standing there holding my camera, eh?