And That Is A Reason, Not An Excuse Part III

Anna: "Mommy, I can't find my rain boots in the closet."
Me: "Anna, I know they're in that closet. If you didn't find them, you're going to have to look harder." [Yes, I said this. I know, I know.]

Anna: "Well... I don't have that much bigger eyes!"

And That Is A Reason, Not An Excuse Part II

Jenny is confronted with the scene of Anna in the bathroom struggling to take off her tights.
Anna tells Jenny they are wet and that she wants to change them. Given the context, Jenny quite sensibly assumes this has happened as the result of a bathroom-related accident. Or rather: a lack-of-a-bathroom-related incident.

Anna says No, No, No:
"No! That's not what happened on the bottom of my underwear. [long, long pause]
I'm... sweating!"

Still Itching...

... from summer to fall.
In terms of 'stop-traffic-ability', Marilyn has some serious competition from these three.
And they're not even showing any skin. (Well, mostly none.)

On Our Way To Radio City

We stopped for a few photos.
Not in front of the theater itself or the tree in Rockefeller Center, for some reason---no, no, we chose to stand in front of the GAP and pose inside the 86th Street subway station.

But despite the lack of photographic proof, we did manage to see see the Rockettes do their Christmas Spectacular.
Well: at least one hour of it. And it was a good hour, broken only by Jack's cries of "I hungry Mommy" and Tommy's chant of "Home now! Home now!" and the prick of tiny daggers being thrown my way by the people sitting in front of us.
Still: all in all I would say it was pretty successful.

And it must have been what allowed me the next day to hear Anna yelling at Jack:
"Jack! Stop it or I am going to drop you like a Rockette!"
Hmmmnn. (If you happen to understand what the implied threat there is supposed to be, definitely shoot me an email.)

Jack Made a Hose

We knew he was fond of hoses. I mean: really fond.
But did we have any idea that he could make a hose out of Magnetos?
No, we did not.
But then there it was, and here he is spraying down the big cardboard box.

I'm not sure what it is with Jack and things that spray. And evidently it is not just the water that is appealing to him; Jack gets that same maniacal "hose look" when he's holding a hair dryer.
Which he often does, of course, because doing someone else's hair is one of his most favorite things to do. Along with styling his own.

Yep, Jack's a smart guy. He can also make an ice cream cone out of Magnetos. And a triangle (which he identified himself, BTW). Jack also likes to pretend he's Mommy. He does this by grabbing a plastic bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and telling me: "bye Mommy!", "be right back!", and "go to meeting".

Then he walks around the corner so I can't see him.
Five seconds later he will come running back into the room, pretend to reach for something on the floor and say "forgot! umbrella!".

What can I say? My exits are a bit scattered. Like Mommy, like Jackie.

Let's Play A Game

I'll give you a quote , and you try to guess the context and the brother that said it.
Ready? Here we go:

• "Only hands go in there..."
  Yep. It's Jack. And he was talking about the sink, ok?
• "Ommy climbed up too!"
  Jack again. After both had been discovered atop Mt. Dresser-est.
• "Ommy broke it!"
  See a pattern here? Jack lets me know what his brother has been up to.
• "Go away Mommy over there."
  Jack indicates that he wants to begin a game of hide and seek.
• "Trees bother you."
  Sigh. Jack is scared of the foliage.
• "Jack do ballet."
  Right. And just ask him what his favorite color is.
  (Hint: it rhymes with 'ink'.)
• "Leg off. Eat leg."
  It was Thanksgiving, people. Jack was impressed by Daddy's Henry VIII-like maneuver on the turkey.
  
• "Messy down here."
  Jack helps me clean up after Thanksgiving dinner. As if it would even be possible for me to drop all of these crumbs on my own.
• "No kiwi, no carousel, no monster, no jello."
  Jack's anti-Christmas list. Things not to offer him.
  

Hmmm.... it sounds like Thomas says nothing at all. Which is not the case. He is just a bit more practical:

• "Eh-coo-me".
  Excuse me.
• "Ah bee eh-coo-me".
  May I be excused please?
• "ROCK AND ROLL!"
  Self-explanatory.
  
• "Ah wuv woo"
  I love you.
• "DD cars! DD cars! DD cars!"
  I want you to put the Cars DVD in NOW.
• "Pee kee boo!"
  If Thomas says this to you, act surprised.
• "Smoke! Smoke!"
  No worries Tommy isn't asking for a cigarette. 'Smoke' is what he calls his Thomas the Tank Engine train, "the smoke train". Endless fun is to walk up to Tommy in the playroom and ask him "Smoke? Smoke?" and have him say yes and then smile sweetly at everyone staring at me as I reach for something in the diaper bag.
  
• "More rice please!"

Overall, Tommy's words have a strangely "Scooby-Doo"-like quality to them. Which makes them sound even cuter, of course.

Twins: That Special Bond

Some special things the brothers do (often to each other):

• Tackle in the open field (at the ankles or waist), while trying to disguise it as a hug.
  If you are watching the Jets twenty years from now and a big, blond, non-tattooed linebacker puts a tooth-rattling hit on some poor scrappy wide receiver and you lip read as they are crashing to the turf and realize the linebacker is shouting "Uggies! Uggies!", think about Jack and remember exactly how Thomas got so good.
  I think Jack's potential in the NFL is inherently limited because of all the helmets they wear. Biting someone else's ear is much less effective when the other person is wearing a helmet.
  
• Jack can scale any child safety gate you put in front of him. But he doesn't try to do this very often. Ever since he figured out how to just open the gate he hasn't felt the need to risk falling on his head.
• Sit on top of their dresser. No comment.
  But very soon their room is going to look similar to a prison cell. I've already removed the lamp.
  
• Attack each other with puzzle pieces (aka dinosaur teeth).
  
• Argue over the ABC song. That's right: sometimes they'll sing it together and at certain points not be in agreement about what letter comes next. Very cute.
• Play "train" with any rope- or string- like thing they can find. They each take an end and then they run all over the apartment. First one to fall and hurt himself loses.
  

How Do You Know When It Is Time To Put Away The Talking Globe?

When your daughter begins to refer to her twin brothers as 'Trinidad' (Jack) and 'Tobago' (Thomas), then you know it is time to put away the talking globe.

Tickling the Ivory

Renting A Room At The Hotel California

Jack wants to know:

• How lucky am I to get a room that is the exact width of me plus my guitar?
  
• Uh, why is it that I can check out, but then can't actually leave?
• Who is this other kid putting his neck on my instrument?
• Aaaaaah! Why oh why isn't the rock and roll lifestyle all it's cracked up to be?
• What is with the size of this door, anyway?

And why is Mommy taking a picture
instead of helping me???

Daddy's In Charge

Just In Time For Christmas...

... Anna's world expands.
"Mommy, can you buy all those things on TV?"

Street Cred, Part II

"Mommy, you're so bossy!"
"Mommy, you're always telling me things I don't want to know!"

Regression Isn't A River In Egypt

Exersaucers! (Remember those from way back when?)
Currently very popular for chicken fights amongst the playroom set.

Sigh.

I'm almost embarrassed posting this but then I ask myself two questions:
(1) Will I want to remember this twenty years from now?
And (2) Will it still be funny?

Yes and oh, yes.
Good. Now that that is taken care of:

Jack and Thomas are in the tub.
Jack shouts 'Pee pee! Pee pee!'.
I take Jack out of the tub. Jack sits on the toilet.
And he sits.
And he sits.
Jack looks down. He grabs his penis (incredulous!) and says 'Not coming out! Not coming out!'.
Jack looks up.
Jack looks down again.
Jack gives his penis a good yank and starts to shout 'Turn on! Turn on!'...

Questions and Attitudes

Anna is filled with them. Here's a sample.

We start with the investigative and matter-of-fact:

• "Mommy, how do the plants just disappear when winter comes?"
• "Mommy, why do bees make honey?"
• "What is holding the terrace up?"

... and continue with the touching yet slightly mischievous:

• "Do Mommies always remember what you [Anna] are doing while they [Mommies] are sleeping?"
• "Mommy, why are farmers the ones who have beehives?"
  [Read: "If we're so sure it's not going to fall down, why can't we get one for our terrace?"]

... and finish with the skeptical and borderline litigious:

• "Mommy, now how does a baby just appear in your tummy?"

Notice: no answers. I promised to Google and get back to her.

Jack's A Rocker

Well, we saw this coming. And even before that. And even before that.
But when Aunt Stacy handed him that guitar for his belated 2nd birthday, everything just clicked.

It is Thomas, however, who likes to shout 'ROCK... AND... ROLL' at random moments throughout the day.

The Dept. of Health & Welfare

Cough Medicine. Ah, yes. Health in a bottle. All my children love it.
Purple, sugary liquid in a cute little cup? No-brainer. They see a medicine bottle, they come running. The cries of "Med-sin! Med-sin!" fill the air.
I line up the two (or three) little measurement cups in a row on the counter. Jenny holds the children back while I pour. The poor sibling whose fortune it is to not be sick for another 2 or 3 days begins to wail. If this happens to be Anna, she'll attempt to reason with me. The latest:

"But I have green boooooooooogers!"

I fill the cups and step away. They grab them, toss them back and smile.
[I think it's in the genes. I can still remember how good orange Triaminic tasted.]

And then there are the vitamins.
"Wa-wa-mins! Wa-wa-mins!"
I bought them on a lark because (1) I saw they were 'Gummy' (2) I saw that they were Princesses and (3) Anna needs her strength because she is applying to Kindergarten. (But that is a story of another kind...)
Suffice it to say, the brothers quickly realized that these magic pellets were pink and squishy and that Anna liked to eat them for dessert and demanded Wa-wa-mins as well. As you can imagine, Anna was none too excited to hand over her Princess ones. So now everyone has their own.

They know where I keep them, and two or three times a day they run over, point at the cupboard, and beg. Lovely.

Don't Know Much About History

(1) Anna and I are walking to preschool. Anna asks:
"Mommy, what was the city like before it was ready?"

Before it was ready? For what? A west side stadium? Congestion pricing for motorists?
"Before it was ready for people. You know, when there were no buildings or streets or taxis and just subway tunnels but no trains?"

Ah. I told her there were forests. And grass. And animals. But no 'Central Park'. I relayed the classic 'Dutch Swindling the Indians out of Manhattan circa 1600' story.

(Love her assumption that subway tunnels are naturally occurring geological formations, by the way. They certainly do look ancient.)

Anna's follow-up:
"Hmmm... can you say a little about Earth's atmosphere?"
Anna is very interested in the Earth's atmosphere. Not sure how it relates to subway tunnels, though.

(2) Last week was Halloween. We lit some Jack-O-Lanterns using matches. Evidently Anna was impressed with the new and exciting technology that was involved.
"Mommy, before there were candles were there lights?"

Real. Estate.

Anna has registered a complaint re the aesthetics our modern (i.e. extreme post-war) apartment building. She has decided that she really wants to live in a building "with carvings".

Hmmm. Not up on your architectural terminology?
No worries: 'carvings' is the technical term for gargoyles, cornices, friezes, pediments, pilasters, or balustrades. Anna doesn't understand why CVS or Filene's Basement always seem to have them and she does not.
She is evidently not so pleased by the sleek, modern and concrete lines of our building's facade. She wants more exterior limestone and marble; she wants Candela-like ceilings and views. Anna wants pre-war cachet and attention to detail.

Mommy, on the other hand, is simply very happy with the children's playroom.

It's Movie Night

Sometimes things can get a little crazy; a sippy cup might even get knocked over before the TV has its chance to fully take control of my children's brains.

Window Shopping In Camelot

... was never this interesting.

Halloween

1 Princess, 2 knights.
We went to preschool (where we ran into quite a few other princesses) and then the Natural History Museum for trick or treating.

And it was not very long into the evening when we decided to make the switch from swords to Dora bags. :)

Sadly (or maybe not so), it was an early night because Anna had a Kindergarten interview the next day. (But that is a story of another kind...)

Daylight Savings. Sigh.

Guess what? Anna told me why she gets up so early.
She is trying to "beat the sun".

This whole 'saving daylight' idea was clearly not invented by someone living with small children.

I Surrender

I hated it when my Mom brushed my hair.
Anna hates it when I brush her hair.

The other day I was brushing Anna's hair.
I stopped brushing for a moment to reach for a barrette.
"Mommy, you're hurting me!"

Anna quickly realized that the brush was nowhere near her hair; I took this moment to savor the small satisfaction inherent in knowing that, surely, my point had been made.

And then:
"...You're hurting my feelings!"

About ANOTHER Boy

(Read the first installment here.)

Day 1
Halloween: We are eating dinner. I ask Anna how her day was. Minimal response.
So then I ask her about Drake. I saw him sitting next to her at circle time. And I heard from Drake's mom that he wants to marry Anna.

Anna smiled. Then she finished chewing. She said "He leaned over to me at circle time and whispered 'I want to marry you'."
Then she smiled again.

My demeanor was one of utter and complete nonchalance as I asked her how she responded.
"I just played with him."

Day 2
Me: "So Anna, are you going to marry Drake?"
Anna: "Only if he was just about to be a prince."

Day 3
Anna tells Daddy that Drake told her he wants to marry her.
Daddy: "Well, tell him he has to ask me first."
Anna [looking confused]: "What? He has to marry you first?"

Halloween Teaser