Sesame Street: The Inconvenient Questions

Recently, the kids have been watching Sesame Street. I thought this was all good. And then I am confronted with this logic:

• Anna trying to convince me that I should sleep in her room.
  "Mommy, but Bert & Ernie have seperate beds, in the same room..."
  
  
• "Mommy... why is Elmo all naked and red?"
  Well, Anna, Elmo is a... a... a bear. Right. And bears have fur. So, they don't need clothes.
  
  I mean, QED. Anyone can see that.
  Right--not exactly a scintillating response. A terrible punt, in any case. But it was late. I was just ready for everyone to go to sleep :)
  And she totally skewered me for it.
  
  "Well Mommy, I dress up my bears and my dogs..."
  
  She's got me there. For proof, I refer you to my next post.
  

Self Portrait With Mommy

"OK, Mommy.
You sit on the couch there and I'm going to set my camera down here and then
I'll press the cheese button
and run over by you."

I can not possibly express in words
quite how much
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the concept of
'the cheese button'.

Not to mention her assumption that her Fisher-Price kid tough camera had a self-timer that is not set to, uh, zero.

Oral Hy-jinx

Oh, yes.
We brush.
We have been for a few months now.

We also fight over the stool, fight over the toothpaste, think it is very funny to flick the light off and on while this is all happening, and on and on and on and on...

Jack and Phones, Part II

OK, I'll admit it: last night I put Jack to bed with a telephone.
It's a long story.

Basically, since Jack was sick last week, he has taken to waking up at either 10:30PM or 4AM (and sometimes both) screaming like a banshee. Or as I have never heard a banshee scream, maybe two cats fighting. I mean, it is bloodcurdling. And when I go up there, he is beyond angry. When I pick him up, he will go stiff and lunge towards the door. If I try to hand him his bear to soothe him, he will throw it away. He will not stop this until I leave the room. Once we are in the hall, he picks up the screaming again and lunges towards the stairs. He wants out. He wants away from his crib.

This had happened for several nights in a row, and generally I was able to calm him down by giving him a bit of water to drink. Last night I remember I had this big idea that enough is enough, I am just going to let him cry.

And then he woke up at 10:30. And I have no cliches to compare it to; he was completely unhinged. I went to get him and brought him downstairs. He took the cup of water (screaming all the while) and threw it on the couch. I tried milk. He did the same thing. He started pointing towards the kitchen.
To cut to the chase, Jack did not pause in his screaming until I handed him the kitchen phone.

And here is the scary thing: once he had a good hold on it, he started screaming again, just as before. His face was inches from the display, bathed in the phone's yellowish-orange glow. He held the phone with two hands and started pressing buttons and screaming and glowing yellowish orange like a carrot-colored madman.

It was completely freaky. He did this crazed button pressing/screaming thing for a good thirty seconds before he brought the intensity down a notch.

And that is when I gave him something to drink. He stayed calm. He eventually looked tired. I picked him up, handed him his bear, and tried to take the phone away from him as I started upstairs. Big mistake.

And that is when I took the battery out of the phone, replaced the battery cover, handed him his bear and his cell phone set him back down in his crib. I didn't hear a peep.

A half hour later I went back in. Jack was curled up, sleeping peacefully, hugging his bear and holding his phone. Evidently he had just been waiting for a call.

2 Bears and a Dog: A Portrait

This is what I found Anna doing when I walked out of the kitchen after cleaning up after dinner.

It isn't exactly Richard Avedon, but I still think it shows promise. She propped her animals up all by herself (from left to right: Happy Winnie, Sad Winnie & Ralphie the Dog), moved the stool back just the right distance from the counter to get the aritistic effect she was looking for, and then snapped this.

"Thomas Made Me Sick"

If the pace of the blog has slowed down a bit of late, it was mainly because last week was definitely one to forget.

All three kids sick. At both ends.
ok... that is all I have to say about that.

Suffice it to say, despite the fact that both Jack AND Thomas were sick, after extensive investigation (see this previous Dr. Anna post) Anna was able to identify the culprit.

Will You Be Mine?

doot doot doot doot
Tommy just got a letter
Tommy just got a letter
Tommy just got a letter
I wonder who it's from?

Thomas was so excited to receive his Valentines in the mail from Grandma and Gwammy that he went right into his Blues Clues 'Mail Time' dance.

Then, of course, he shoved them underneath the couch.
Hold onto your nail files, drumsticks, and small animals--they are all in play. The day we finally lift up that couch we are going to find a time capsule of assorted "sort of" flat things that Tommy liked and then were never heard from again...

Surely OSHA Has A Regulation About This?

A while ago, Anna had a brilliant idea.
Anna's favorite color is blue.
Her friend Sebastian's favorite color is red.

Due to random decorating & merchandising issues, Sebastian has a potty seat with a blue border (to match their bathroom) and Anna has a potty seat with a red border (that's all the store had left).

I am sure, at this point, that I do not have to point out the obvious opportunity for increasing everyone's level of chromatic happiness here. A simple exchange. The Coase Theorem, as applied to preschool bathroom habits. I can just see the Wharton case study now.

And that is exactly what Anna suggested. She wants to trade potty seats.

All would be perfect, if only we could get past those "sanitation-related" transactions costs in the form of that random eeeeewwwwww feeling that creeps in whenever I think about this. I'd also have to balance in the social unhappiness generated by Sebastian's parents thinking we are total freaks.

All in all, an unexpected rejoinder to the often-heard complaint "But when am I going to use this stuff in the real world?" I mean, you just never know. I have no doubt that Ronald Coase would be shocked...

Manners & Morals. Also Some Sass.

(1) Manners.

Jenny hands Anna something.
Anna takes it.
Jenny says "I didn't hear your 'thank you'."
Anna says "thank you".

[pause].

Anna says
"I didn't hear 'your welcome'..."


(2) Morals.

Anna gives Thomas a shove for using her blue train.
Daddy lets Anna know that she is in trouble for pushing Thomas.

[pause].

Anna wails
"But I didn't push Jaaaaack!"

Hmmmnnn. Right. I mean, somewhere that should count. Surely this is one of those perks to having twin brothers?

Fingers Up

... if you want to read some more Anna quotes.
Er, that would be thumbs up.
But I think Anna's version is much cuter :)

Here you go:

• Favorite phone questions:
• What state are you in?
• What is your email?
• Anna being tactful.
• Anna is sitting at the table at dinner time.
  Then: "Why are you not giving me my food, Mommy?"
  Translation: Hurry up.
  
• Anna is sitting at the table eating dinner.
  Then: "My throat feels kind of dry..."
  Translation: She wants some milk.
• Anna is playing.
  Then: "Something smells..."
  Translation: Time to change a brother's diaper.
• Anna playing with her kitchen & silverware set:
  "Jack is the party guy; Mommy is the party upper-setter. Thomas is going to the store."
• "My brothers are crazy" & "My brothers are too much"

And now the funniest:

The children are eating breakfast.
I walk across the living room to put something away.
Anna is having waffles with syrup. Anna is not a neat syrup eater. She has already dripped some syrup onto her fishy jammies and taken off her pajama shirt.

As I am returning my thing to it's drawer, from across the room I hear:
"oooh... I love it when things drip down my body..."

Made for a nice morning laugh. Syrup in the belly button. Gotta love it.

Jack's Not Fresh...

he just wants to see your equipment.

Your phone, that is.
And he knows that lots of people keep their's under their shirt, in a little clip attached to their belt. And he wants to see it. So if you come to visit he might, uh, try to lift up your shirt. Apologies in advance. We're working on the problem.

But it is just because he loves phones. He likes pressing buttons. Especially the 'belly' kind of buttons. And he knows that is under your shirt, too.

Med School: What They Don't Want You To Know

from Dr. Anna, as she is about the inject me:

"The band-aid makes the boo boo feel better.
The shot gives you the boo boo."

I always knew there was some kind of conspiracy going on there...

This Will Never Be Topped

Bedtime. I am lying in bed with Anna.
She sticks her hand down the back of her Pull-Up.

"There's something puffy...
it's not poo...

It's a dried rice cake."

Let's Talk Talk

Well... Jack now says "belly button". He is very good at repeating sounds. For instance, I have definitely heard him say "water bottle". But only once. He also says "hello" very clearly. And "An-na!"
Jack says lots and lots of different sounds; he just hasn't quite put them together in a standard format.

Thomas' new words all seem to be in the "oo" (prounounced as in "soon") family. For instance:

• A cow says "moo".
• A monkey says "moo oo oo moo oo oo moo oo oo".
• An owl says "hoooooooo hoooooooo"
• Anything circular that appears roughly near the top of the page in a book, or on the TV, or wherever, is a "ma-moon", aka balloon.
  

But the best is when Thomas & Jack talk to each other. Do you recall how the Japanese people sounded as they fled Godzilla?
That is exactly it.

And I almost forgot. I think I was trying to, actually.
Guess what Anna's favorite new phrase seems to be? Drumroll please...

"wit ya"

On this, I take the 5th.

The Trouble With Wedgies

"It's sticking in my butt!"

Oh.
So that is why Anna is walking around with her hand in her underwear.

Jack: On Eve

Well... this fruit wasn't forbidden, exactly, but he did have to whine for at least a minute before I decided to go for it and give it to him.
He did pretty well; afterwards, the poor apple looked like a family of mice had attacked it.

Ghengis Thom

Right, so remember that whole 'Thomas is an angel' post? Way back in January?
Complete and total hogwash.
Thomas has become... well, another boy entirely.

Let's see:

• I thought it was a nice idea to take Thomas on one of Anna's playdates. Her friend Katharine has a little sister, after all. Thomas kept looking at the little girl like she was some kind of small animal.
  About halfway into the playdate, Thomas finally walked up to her (she was seated), leaned down until his face was less than a foot away, and proceeded to smack her on the head. I was astonished. And he did this multiple times.
• Soon after showing off his playdate behavior, Thomas started to rap Jack on ears. It's almost like he uses him as heavy bag. He slaps at one ear, then he goes to the other, and back and forth several times. Not incredibly hard, but still...
  Even more surprising is that it takes Jack quite a while to get mad about it. As I move to intervene, I've seen Jack take 5 or 6 good hits before starting to complain. Thomas thinks it's funny.
• Thomas really likes to throw things. I took an incoming Magneato in the forehead the other morning and decided that our "encouraging basketball skills with soft, squishy balls" strategy had to change. Thomas can't tell the difference between soft things to throw and hard things to hang onto (ok fair enough, but I mainly think he doesn't want to). He will stand next to a bin of blocks, select one, throw it, and repeat until the bin is empty. He also dumps everything!
• Thomas enjoys walking around the apartment with a little Fisher-Price horse in his hand. He'll walk up to someone, thrust it right into their face (in the case of Jack), or at their waist (for the rest of us), and growl as loud as he can.
  It's like he is trying to scare us or something. And if he hadn't succeeded in scaring Jack a few times, the whole thing would be hilarious; when Thomas gets into his "horse scaring" mood, he just keeps going from one victim to the next. He walks around the room, shoving horses in people's faces and growling.
• Ever wonder what that red button in the elevator does?
  Well, Thomas has managed to press it three times.
  Big noise.
  Big.

None of this is done in anger. Thomas thinks all of it is funny. He will flash the most brilliant smile as you tell him 'No'.
And then he will give me the 'new-new-new-new-new' (no no no no no) with a smile and a finger wag as I put him in time-out. Which doesn't bother him very much, either.

As I write this it occurs to me that maybe some of this is just 'boy' behavior. Well, maybe it is. But try to explain that to the doorman downstairs who's already called the fire department.
[OK I admit that fortunately that has not yet happened, but clearly it's something I worry about. And it sounded funny.]

In some ways, Thomas does seem like quite a classic boy. He has, actually, ceased picking up and throwing the tracks for his Thomas trains and now really enjoys pushing the engines (with his index finger only) around the track, especially under the tunnel.

And Thomas loves loves loves to read. Honestly, I think Thomas' favorite thing to do is to pick a book off the shelf, sit in your lap, and have you read to him. If he has a dedicated lap, he will do this for at least half an hour (which is a lot of preschooler books). And he is happy to look at them on his own, as well. Very similar to Anna, in this regard.

I keep telling him: "T, you won't be able to get by on those looks forever..." And then he smiles at me, grabs a book, and sits in my lap. What a guy.

CBGB, circa 1979

As Neil Young once said:

Hey hey, my my
[punk] Rock and roll can never die
There's more to the picture
Than meets the eye

Well: in this case, the rest of the picture includes their sister waving a yellow blanket over their heads. Static electricity, and all that.

But still--I wonder what they'll be like as teenagers?