Tactics

Jack, trying to avoid having his diaper changed:
"I got gas Mommy."
Oh.

Thomas, trying to avoid anything he doesn't particularly want to do:
"It's too spicy."
As in:

• Thomas, do you want to use the blue train instead of the yellow one?
  "No. It's too spicy."
• Thomas, do you want to watch Sesame Street?
  "No. Too spicy."
• Thomas, are you going to eat your corn?
  "No. It's too spicy."
  

I have no idea what 'spicy' actually means to this kid.
But I think it would be really, really funny to try his technique for a day and see what happens.

Optical Delusions

• Me: "Jack, why are you eating with your eyes closed?"
  "I hiding, Mommy!"
  

• Jack, doing something he should not be doing:
  "Close your eyes, Mommy. I don't want to see you."
  

Great.
I can just picture the CAT scan with the "unapologetic believer in his ability to disappear and walk through walls" part of the brain lit up like a Christmas tree. And here I was hoping to avoid the Green Lantern underoos phase.
Hopefully he'll grow out of this by the time he's 3. or 12.

It Isn't Love

...unless your eyeballs pop out.

But we've known that for some time now.

Should I Be Concerned?

Dinner time. Anna is fidgeting like crazy. I am sure she is going to fall off of her chair.
I ask her what's going on. Does something hurt?

"No Mommy, there's just music in my head and it's makin' me shake!"
Hmmmn. I have no idea how to respond to this.

And then out comes the most rousing rendition of Ba Ba Black Sheep I have ever heard.
(And let me tell you: I have attended a lot of preschooler music classes.)

A different dinner time. Anna is finishing her dinner.
Anna is thinking. And then:
"Mommy, my tummy is REALLY big and I just heard a 'Neigh'!"
[from inside of it]

Have I mentioned that Anna really, really wants a horse?

Jack Talks Back

The first installment of what I am coming to believe will be a long and ongoing series.

• Jack, here's your water.
  "I want cold water Mommy."
  Jack, that water is cold. I just got it from the refrigerator.
  "It's not cold Mommy. It's just... normal."
  
  
• Jack! Don't put that hose around your neck!
  "Its OK Mommy, it's my seatbelt."
  
  
• "Tommy is MY little brother. I GROWED!"
  

This Just In

"Mommy!
Did you know there is a meal
called dessert
in the middle of the night
that we keep missing???"

Ever the problem solver in these difficult times, Anna quickly drafted and announced a three point plan that includes:

• cupcakes
• after lunch
• every day

as a way of addressing this situation.

Anna: Big Box Retailing

"It's like an apartment that sells things and nobody lives in..."
You heard it here, kids. Isaac Mizrahi will not be cool forever.