Yoga For The People

Tired of those snobby yoga studios heavy on the attitude but light on the enlightenment?
Right. Us too.

Come, join us for a free session right outside your door in nature's own Riverside Park, allowing NYC's 'Ganges-esque' public park water to work its magic on your chakras.

And don't worry: you'll quickly forget that that creeping dampness you feel is more than just energy.

And we also humbly suggest wearing underwear you can be proud of.

Hanging Out

I liked this shot. I thought the 'sun rising over the phone booth' effect was quite cool.

And whose kids are those, anyway?

SNACK!

Is evidently toddler English for 'Garcon!'.
At least I think this is the case because every time we go to a restaurant, as soon as Thomas is seated he starts looking around for the waitstaff, jabbing his finger in the direction of his little (empty) bread plate and shouting this at the top of his lungs.

Deep Thoughts: Space and Time

• We went to Coney Island 2 weeks ago (but more on that later). As we exited the Subway we could see the Cyclone and the ferris wheel in the distance. Anna's excited comment:
  
  "Mommy, the ferris wheel is kind of like Uranus without the rings--it spins tipped on its side!"
  

• Anna is sitting in the stroller after a long day and a hard fall. She is looking up at the sky.
  
  "Mommy, does the sky have ceilings? So that helium balloons can't just go up in space?"

• Anna has this USA map placemat. It has a drawing of a dinosaur on Montana. Presumably because that is a state where they dig up lots of dinosaur bones. Or perhaps there's more. Anna looked closely at the placemat the other day and said:
  
  "Mommy! Can you believe it? There are dinosaurs alive in Montana!"

Thomas

Thomas has not been a very good boy of late.
He is not sleeping well in his big boy bed. And he is very, very terribly two.

This is him at River Park.
Unlike the other small children, Thomas not only sits in the "river", he also lays in it.
He splashes his face and neck with it as if it were cologne.
He bends over and dunks his head in it as if he is in a Gatorade commercial.

As Anna put it to him sternly: "Thomas, you are causing confusion and delay."
And that's the least of it. (I would add pain and suffering.)

So I'm posting this to help me think happy Tommy thoughts.
Because he will wake up at 4:30AM tomorrow.
And then I'll need those thoughts...

Urban Shame

That's right: My Sons Are Afraid Of Trees.

Particularly when the wind blows and moves the leaves. Almost like magic.
There, now it's out there.
I feel better already.

How Things Work

"Tommy, turn it back on! Press the powder button!"

Thomas likes to play the Leap Pad with Anna. Thomas likes to push all available buttons. Thomas ends up un/intentionally turning off the Leap Pad several times during one of their play sessions. At which point you hear Anna scream at him to turn the thing back on. I wonder why Tommy never seems to get the thing back on...

This is another in Anna's line of creative-button-names-for-electronic-gadgets. I mean, who could forget the cheese button?

Jack, I Can't Play Right Now

... because I have to get something ready for dinner.
[Mommy starts to make rustling noises in the kitchen.]

What does Jack do?
He walks over to the drawer where we keep the delivery menus.
He opens the drawer and picks out the menu of the place we order from the most.
He hands me the menu.
No, I am not proud of this.

Jack also refers to heating hot dogs in the microwave as 'cooking'.
Again, not so proud.

All this reminds me of the day when I realized that 1-year old Anna knew her phone number. I was on the phone with our favorite Vietnamese place, had just finished my order and was asked for our phone number.
I got as far as "212-8" before Anna, quietly playing across the room, looked up and shouted out the rest.

Sigh.

Don't Hate Her Because She's Beautiful

... or because her Crazy Chemistry Class happened to land her in a magazine.
That's right: Anna, et al. are the new cover girls for the Children's Museum of Manhattan. This full page spread was in the October issue of Time Out NY Kids, page 59.

(from l to r: unknown girl in red, Sloane, Anna, Katharine)

The Art Of The Deal

Thomas and Jack wake up. Yes, it is 5AM.
Jack immediately runs over to the couch and grabs Tommy's favorite train.
Tommy decides he needs to do something. He starts with the straightforward approach and tries to grab it out of Jack's hand.
Jack is a bit too quick for this.
I do my Wharton-based parental intervention thing and say one word: "trade".

Tommy looks around.
He grabs another train. He offers it to Jack.
Jack knows he's got a hot commodity. He refuses.

Tommy looks around again.
He grabs Elmo off of the couch. He shoves it in Jack's face.
He shouts "Elmo!". Still, Jack does not budge.

Tommy looks around again.
He sees the other Elmo (we have two boys, after all) on the couch.
He grabs the other Elmo. He shoves it in Jack's face.
He yells "More Elmo!".

Creative, but ultimately unsuccessful.
I suppose it is true that you can have too much of a brightly colored puppet with a high pitched voice.

When I Die, You Can Be In Charge

No, I did NOT say this to any of my children.

Anna said it to me.

We were playing her current favorite game where she is the Mommy and I am the Anna and her stuffed animal horse is my "little sister". She wanted to do something one way. I, clever child that I am, suggested a different way.

At which point she looked me in the eye and set me straight on exactly when my turn was going to be.

Eastside, Baby!

That's right. Our buddies Hugo and Jasper had their birthday party on the other side of the park, so you know what that means: cab ride! First one with just Mommy and the brothers.

Naturally, I took some candid shots.

(And yes the ride definitely went much more smoothly after I took a moment to share with the cab driver Jack's tendency towards regurgitation in jerky, darting vehicles.)

It's A Guideline, Not A Timeline

Scene: Anna and Jack are doing their thing on their respective potties (sp?) in the bathroom. Jack is catching up on Maisy's latest adventure book while Anna is flipping through her horse encyclopedia

Jack says "All done!" and starts to stand up.

Anna: "What?? You're not done. You haven't even turned all the pages yet!"

Urban Dangler

Yeah, I let my kids do this.

Down On The Corner, Out In The Street

No doubt John Fogerty had this good looking crew in mind when he penned those lyrics.

Thanks, Gwammy & Gwampy for all your help with our birthday party (photos coming soon).
And for the ice cream at 84th & Broadway, of course...

Thoughts On The Bridge

You know, the part of a song "that connects two parts of that song, building a harmonic connection between those parts.".

The other morning at breakfast while we were listening to the

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

part of Piano Man, Anna looked up and said "You could make your own song up here!"

What Is A Vegetarian Doctor, You Ask...

It seems obvious, eh? A doctor that doesn't eat meat.
It is also what Anna wants to be when she grows up.

Sort of.
After Anna told me that when she grows up she wants to be the person at the stable who gives the horses a shower, I told her that was great and why doesn't she think about med school while she's at it? That way after all the horses are nice and clean she can also be a veterinarian, which is a doctor who can take care of horses when they are sick.

Not sure if she got my message.

Because When You Live In The Hudson River

... *someone* has to throw you food.

So Jack and Thomas and I took all the stale Saltines and goldfish that we found at the bottom of the diaper bag and gave those ducks and geese and seagulls a feast the likes of which they had not come across for some time.

The School of Hard Knocks, Crayola Campus

Guess what? Anna's preschool class has been learning about colors.
I think she's learned a lot:

"Jack, if you want to mix two colors together to make a primary color, you can't.
You just have to deal with it."

Deep Thought: GoodWill

The other day Anna helped me carry a bag of toys to her preschool to be sold at the school's Halloween Fair/Rummage Sale. I tried to use this opportunity to explain the importance of being thankful for what we have, charity, and re-use.

When Anna's friend's Mommy asked her about what she had in the bag, she showed off her new understanding:
"Yeah, we're giving away the brother's toys to other people's babies."

Anna and Her Friends

on left: "We're All Really Cute" (Anna, Sloane, Katharine)
on right: "Big Air" (Katharine, Anna, Alexandra)

Some Favorite Phrases

Anna is a little Mommy:

• Anna to Jack who is busy eating oatmeal with his hands: "I did not teach you that!"
• Anna to Mommy: "Let me tell you something you don't know..."
• And, of course, in a perfect Anna world:
  "OK horsie I'm the Mommy and you're the Anna and you say something and then I will do whatever your idea is."
  

Just A *Spoonful* of Sugar? That's All??

Anna after finishing all the food on her plate:
"So... what else can I eat so that I can get dessert?"
Perhaps Mary Poppins has some idea about what we are doing wrong here.

A few other recent classics:

• "I don't like protein!"
• "Pear is NOT dessert. I need something more... chocolate. Or vanilla."
• "Popcorn? I need something tastier. Like a brownie!"
  
• "I want something big AND chocolate!"
• (and of course don't forget this oldie but goodie.)
  

Lest you think a more subtle approach to calorie acquisition is beyond Anna's four year old means, the last time we walked by an ice cream truck she gave me this food for thought:

"Hmmmnnnn... let's think for a moment about what we are going to have for dessert tonite..."

Thomas, on the other hand, nearly jumps out of his stroller whenever we are in the vicinity of an ice cream truck (in other words, every three blocks).
And they don't even play that annoying music.

True Life: I Faked Daylight Savings

That's right.
Well, the 'spring forward' part, at least. So maybe I should say that I faked 'Daylight Spending'.
But only halfway.

Basically, last night I needed Anna to get a really good night's sleep before her IQ test this morning.
You know, the one she needs to take for Kindergarten. NYC public school Kindergarten.
(But that is a story of another kind...)

Anyway: I wanted her to go to bed early. This was complicated by the fact that she knows that her bedtime is 8 o'clock.
And that she knows what the big hand and the little hand are supposed to be doing at that time.

So, I did what any creative parent would do: before she came upstairs for a bath, I set her clock forward half an hour. Worked like a charm.

D'oh!

Would be Jack's current favorite word.
When I say it, he erupts in laughter.
And now he says it. And now he makes his sister say it. And oh, the laughter.

Bartender, another Flaming Moe please...

So: The Elton John Concert Is Cancelled

WWYD?

Right. That was Tommy's thought as well.

WARNING: More Potty Talk

Guess what?
Jack uses the potty.
LOVES to use the potty, actually.

He demands to go in there several times a day. He loves to sit on the aforementioned (fabulously modern and green) Boon potty chair. Once placed, he shoos everyone else away with cries of 'out! out!' and then closes the door nearly all the way.
And then he sits.
And he sings, and he plays with the toilet paper, and he plays with the wipes, and sometimes he turns the sink on. And if you go in there and ask him if he's done, he'll look at you with his most pained expression...
and make his best grunting noises to let you know that, in fact, he is still working on it.

Recently, he's started asking to go in there when Anna is in the bathroom. She was surprisingly OK with this. She is happy to pull his pants down, take his diaper off, and get him seated properly. Then the two of them just sit in there and chat and holler at Mommy to bring them books. You have to check on them often, however, because Anna loves to empty the potty chair. As in, sliding the (waste-containing) bottom tray out and dumping it into the real toilet.

Sometimes this goes well.
Sometimes it does not.

Shall We Dance?

While they're not exactly Richard Gere and JLo, Jack is definitely very optimistic about his chances on next season's Dancing With the (Animated Bilingual) Stars.

By the way: Jack loves Dora.
LOVES her.
He even has a pet name for her--she is his "sha".

Ballerina On Her Way To Work, Part II

Sing it, Dolly:

Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life

Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5...

And let me tell you: it's not easy looking this good, in a tutu, pushing a stroller, when you're late for ballet class.

And now this from "The Way We Were" department.

Deep Thought: Donkey

"It's kind of like a unicorn, but not as beautiful."

August Is The Birthday-est Month

It's August 30th, and we find ourselves singing Happy Birthday for the 2nd and third times this month. The brothers are 2! Hooray!

How Do You Grocery Shop In NYC?

Well, that's easy: child labor.
(And OK with a little help from Fresh Direct.)

Free Range Children

Uh-oh.

Just over one month ago, Jack climbed out of his crib for the first time. Truth be told, I have been trying just as hard as I can to ignore this. And Jack seemed so shocked and a bit scared by the whole experience that he didn't try again.

But, two weeks ago (after hearing some screaming) I entered the room to find Thomas precariously balanced on his stomach on the edge of the crib rail. Jack, always righteous and ever helpful, was just watching from his crib and shouting "No! No! No!" at him. Still, I tried to ignore this.

But then today at naptime Tommy made it completely out.
And so, toddler beds and open sides it is. Let freedom ring, and all that.

I was worried about this, of course. But I never gave a second thought as to what the boys would think of the beds. I mean, if their goal is to be able to get out, then these are exactly what they have been looking for, right? I thought they'd be ecstatic.

Not so.
Thomas, I could tell, was on the fence about all this. Jack's reaction was decidedly more definite: he started shouting "No! No! No!", tried to push the bed out of the room, and made 'unscrewing' motions with his hand in front of the screws at the end of the bed that Daddy had just spent all that time putting in. All I can say about that is that they are finally asleep. For now.

Meanwhile, Anna's reactions to all this were fantastic.

• She went from the retail: "Wait... does this mean they get new sheets?
• To the sentimental: "We're giving away their cribs? Can we keep their bears?"
• To the insightful:
  [Mommy explains to Anna that the brothers are climbing out of their cribs, so they are not safe, so they get big boy beds.]
  Anna thinks for a moment and says
  "Yeah... or a top."

We Took A Trip Today

All the way to the bottom of Manhattan. To South Street Seaport.
On the subway. This was the boy's maiden voyage.
Then we took a water taxi. Yet another first. Jack, sea dog that he is, was fine stomach-wise.

Neither of the boys was too sure about the boat, though. They didn't cry, but they were uneasy. But Jack only pointed at the dock and shouted "Back! Back! Back!" a few times.

It was perfect: a one-hour ride past Governor's Island, Ellis Island, The Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn and Manhattan. We saw helicopters landing at the helipad. We even went underneath the Brooklyn Bridge.

We ended up on a water taxi filled with a tour group from another country. One that took taking photos very, very, seriously. I mean, there were wives muscling small children (mine!) away from the rail so that they could get that perfect shot of their husband on a boat, moving, in front of the Statue of Liberty.

And then there was the eager tourist who, posing next to us as her husband took the Brooklyn-Bridge-in-the-background shot, decided (with no warning and no English) to grab Anna and get her in the photo, too. To her credit, she did it all with a smile so it was only slightly creepy and not absolutely terrifying (to Mommy), but Anna was a bit sour on our trip after that.

Highlights:

- Thomas looking at the boat's wake and getting very excited. He kept saying "Milk! Milk!".
- Jack looking at a drawing of the Statue of Liberty on the brochure, pointing to her torch, and saying "Hot! Hot!"

Mine are little men of few (but incredibly important) words by the way.

- But by far the best moment was Anna the babysitter starting to throw Thomas over the rail of the boat, with Thomas kissing the rail for dear life and dramatic affect. All with the Brooklyn Bridge in the background, no less. It's a good thing I was standing there holding my camera, eh?

How Jack Hides

He runs into a corner, puts his hands over his eyes and a huge smile on his face.
Then he waits for you to see him.
When he sees you coming, he screams (with delight) and runs toward you.

As you might guess, Jack spends a lot of time as 'It' during family game play.
But don't worry: we've dealt with these kinds of issues before.

Nursing On Mars: It's Your Only Option

"Mommy, why is Earth the only planet with water?"
Mommy gives some dismal answer about how we are just the right distance from the sun, not too hot, not too cold, blah, blah.
Anna thinks.

"Mommy, is Earth the only planet with milk, or do other planets have milk, too?"
I think just us, A. I think just us.

I Have So Much Material

but I haven't had a chance to get it up on the blog, as I have been working on my Kindergarten application essays.
But that is a story of another kind...

Anyway, I will now attempt to catch up but things might seem a bit scattered. Trust me, they are.

And That Is A Reason, Not An Excuse

Anna! What are you doing? Why are you drawing on your hand with the marker?!

"Don't worry Mommy, I'm just connecting my moles."

Bring on The Happy

On August 22, Anna turned 4. She was pretty excited about this. Finally: she's not the youngest one in her class! Yay!
For the record, we used horse plates and horse napkins and pink cups and she had a horse balloon and a horse cake. Well, OK: a cake onto which Mommy had drawn a horse that any caveman would be proud of. But still, she recognized it.
(Note to self: next time, take the cake out of the pan before you frost it. Funny how I never seem to get this quite right.)

Thomas and Jack love birthdays. They love to wear party hats. They love to sing the song.
If I ask them if they want any food, they say "Happy! Happy!" and are disappointed when what they get doesn't have any frosting.

How The Drive To Rochester Went

I realize that I haven't mentioned it.
Two major points:

(1) How do you tell if your child's motion sickness wristbands are not working?
When you find yourself taking them off his wrists because they are soaked in vomit, then you know your child's motion sickness wristbands are not working.

(2) 'Rocket Poo'. To coin a phrase.
This has nothing to do with velocity; it merely describes the Washington Monument-like form of what came out. In the grass in front of the hourly motel right next to the Mt. Read Boulevard exit on 490West in the city of Rochester.
And did I mention it was raining?
At least there was a dumpster nearby.

But that's OK. As we were getting back into the car Anna said to me: "Mommy, thank you so much! I couldn't have done it without you!"

Believe me: I couldn't have come close to imagining this scenario without you, babe.

Deep Thought: Window Shades

(pointing to her eyelid...)
"Mommy, my eyes are like shades--they go up and down and make it light and dark."

Holding Out For A Hero?

Well... take your pick: Peter Pan after too much punch, or Robin Hood on a wayward steed?

Follow-Up Question

I'm betting that Anna has made her peace with my answer about what the. biggest. number is.
I'm betting this because the other day I was handing out snack at the park and evidently she had a thoughtful moment because she looked up at me and said:

"Mommy, why do the numbers keep going but the letters stop?"

Good Riddles, Jack!

This was Anna's parting shot as she slammed the bathroom door in Jack's face.
I think she meant "Good Riddance". I have no idea where she had heard this.

Jack and Thomas essentially pitch a tent outside the bathroom whenever Anna goes in there; I can't say I blame her too much for using such an invective.
The good news is that as of last week Jack has found a way to make up for his invasiveness.
As soon as he decides that she is going to be in there for a while, he brings her a book.

The first time this happened, Anna thanked him and told him he was "a very useful boy".

Jack "The Hose" Jamison

In this photo you can see the victim, but the perpetrator is cleverly hidden. Just like he likes it.

But this is not the perfect crime: notice the telltale green tubing coming from behind the little brick wall (aka 'grassy knoll').

Jack "The Hose" Jamison is behind this; we can be sure of it.
Go ahead: check out his record.

Untitled

The other day, Anna had to change her underwear at lunchtime. [No comment]
Her favorite colors are pink and purple.
Just a few days prior to this, I had purchased 6 pairs of pink and 6 pairs of purple underwear, and threw out all the old ones. (She had been telling me that the old ones were "stuck in her butt". Well, enough of that...)

Anyway, a purple pair happened to be downstairs . I grabbed them and gave them to her.
"No Mommy, I can't! Pink underwear is for the day, and purple is for the night!"

Oh. I see.

Try as I might, I can't escape the thought that this is exactly what Benjamin Moore must have been like as a child.

It's Not About The Bike

Lance was right about this one.

It's about the pink "strips" coming off your handlebars, the pink and purple bike helmet, the purple skirt you wear despite the fact that you have no fenders, and the pink water bottle, basket, and air pump that you really, really want for your birthday (think 'Pimp My Ride' for preschooler princess bikes).

And though this photo doesn't show it, it's also about the pink and purple beaded necklace and the pink bracelet you try to wear every time you go riding.

I'm not sure if that was what it was about for Lance, but in Anna's case: spot on.

She Don't Need No Education

Anna started two new classes at the Children's Museum today. One is called "Space Oddities" and the other is "Crazy Chemistry".
I personally was very excited about these classes.
I have talked to her about them for weeks. After class today I excitedly tried to pump her for details about what she had learned. I was sure that my three year old would come home and eagerly share with me the wonders of constellations and nebulae, baking soda and vinegar.
But try as I may, details were not forthcoming.

Until, that is, I had just finished tucking her into bed and said good night, and she rolled over, looked at me thoughtfully and asked

"Mommy, is there chemistry in space?"

ha ha ha ha ha.
And the depressing part is, I was already stumped.

And then as if I wasn't on precarious enough scientific footing, here are a few more things that she evidently had been wondering about since class ended at 5PM:
- Why can't we see our galaxy?
- Who put the continents in all the right spots?
- Who was on our planet before people?
- What is the butterfly that lights up in space called?

To which I answered, respectively, something along the lines of 'because we're in it, they just floated there, dinosaurs, and we'll look it up tomorrow...'

Earlier in the evening, Daddy had asked her about her chemistry class. She told him she learned about states.
So he said, "Oh! You mean solids, liquids, and gasses."
She looked at him like he was crazy and told him no, actually states are in countries.

(And evidently she knew this for sure because they had just gone over it in chemistry class.
I guess.)

Deep Thought: Grapes

"They're kind of like eggs, but they don't crack on the side of the tray."

About A Boy, Part II

So N. had his birthday party at summer camp last week, complete with a cake from Haagen-Daas. Anna was extremely impressed with the fact that they had "put the ice cream in the cake!". Neat trick, eh?

[cue sound of record scratching NOW]

And then she used the word boyfriend.
As in: Anna, what did you do at camp today?
"Oh, I went to my boyfriend's birthday party..."

She repeated this to at least two different people.

N. left for Spain last week. He'll be there for all of August.
N. also left a rose for Anna with our doorman.

And again I say, mojo.

Out For A Stroll

Yes, my boys were the ones who insisted on going for a walk like this.

But if I had known that they were going to strike such Queen Elizabeth-like poses, I never, ever would have allowed the Hello Kitty and zebra print bags to leave the apartment. I kept expecting the corgis to trot up the subway steps.

Jack can say iPod!

Two syllables! Yay!
He also understands the purpose and de-activation of the 'Hold' slider.
Can't you just imagine my (Disney- and Pixar- based) 'On-The-Go' playlist?

Almost as exciting, Jack will now combine two words to form a, uh... sentence. Notable examples:
- Ommy, fall!
- Jack, spoon!
- Anna, horse!

And don't worry: Tommy is making progress on this as well. On Sunday Jack was in timeout and Thomas ran up to him and said:
"Jack. No no no no no!"

Six words, no less.

The Papparazi

Can't live with 'em, can't live without them.

Anna, How Do You Make New Friends?

Anna and I were setting up a bunch of little plastic animals, and she mentioned that the animals were making new friends. So I decided to ask her how that is done.

"Well, first you say hi and then you tell them your name and then they say their's
and then you follow them..."

It's Not All Glamour

I may look adorable, but I sit in trash baskets just like everyone else does.

Sacre bleu!

What are you doing here, reading web pages?
Why are you not watching the greatest bike race in the world?
Turn off your computer!
Find a TV!
Allez! Vive la France!

The One-Martini Playdate

Me: "OK Anna, I'm going to put you to bed and then I'm going out with the other mommies from preschool. We're having a Mommy playdate."

Anna: "Well... are you going to the park or to eat or have a snack or just a drink?"

Me: "Oh no, it won't be very long, we're just going to have a drink."

Anna: "Well... is it going to be a big drink all filled up or one with just a little bit?"

Religion, Conquistador-style

Anna and I were playing "pretend" with her horse, Baby Jaguar. She asked me if I would go to church with her and Baby Jaguar. I said sure.

Once we were comfortably settled on the other couch with Baby Jaguar on her lap (snugly roped into his old-school shoelace & washcloth 'Baby Bjorn') I asked her what goes on at this church.

She smiled and told me we were going to "see some God and get some treasure!"
and then grabbed her dress-up jewelry bin
and proceeded to distribute the goods amongst the three of us.


Well. At least she shared, right?

At Arm's Length: A Triptych

Friends, Cold Cuts, Soybeans

To Jack, your name is all the same.
Whether Jack wants salami or edamame, he calls for his "ami".
Also, of course, when he wants his brother.
In which case I imagine the proper spelling is something more like "ommy".

Anna Jaguar

... or, the preschooler formerly known as Anna Jamison.

Here's the thought process:
(1) Baby Jaguar from Diego is Anna's favorite thing right now.
(Replacing Princesses, which replaced Blue, which replaced Nemo if you're keeping track at home).
(2) Anna has a friend in school whose last name is 'Tiger'.

It didn't take Anna very long into a seven hour car trip in a car with no DVD player and only her horse stuffed animal (who is now a Jaguar, by the way) readily accessible by her side to put those two together. If her friend can have a cool last name, why can't she?

Abolute Power Corrupts Absolutely

The first photo is way, way, way too 'Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms Junior Auxiliary' for my liking.

Jack, Jack, Jack.
Give the boy a hose and he turns into a complete dictator.
And he enjoys it.
Note the clenched teeth, note the forward thrust of the jaw. Try to avert your eyes from the exposed veins in his neck. If this was real life, the sound you would be hearing now is the (slightly creepy, I'll admit) humming noise he makes while whisking the hose from side to side and blowing away another tennis ball, or bug, or big sister.

In my opinion, he's on the fast track to Law and Order fame.
As a cop, OK?

The Dentist Appointment

Earlier this week I took Anna to the dentist for the first time.
(Yes, I am embarrassed that it took so long for this to happen.)

But nonetheless: everything is just fine, and this despite the fact that the dentist explained to me that giving your kids raisins for a snack and not having them brush immediately afterwards is much, much closer to packing their teeth in sugar every night than I had ever imagined. Note to self.

But just as interesting as my raisin education was the concept of a pediatric dentist.
'Pediatric' in this sense is defined as:
(1) health care professional who has TV screens on the ceiling. So that your child can watch Dora, or Thomas the Tank Engine, or Ariel, or just about any other Nickelodeon- or Disney- based creation while being worked on with invasive metallic tools. And, secondly,
(2) health care professional who will not let your child be bothered by that oppressive light they turn on right above your face. Someone who provides a selection of plastic sunglasses in shades of pink, green, and blue to wear while being worked on with invasive metal tools.

This dentist was very nice.
While his assistant was doing the initial work, he wandered over to me and asked for some family dental "practices and history". This is when I got the bad news about raisins.
I told him about my braces. I went on record with the number of cavities I have and the fact that I am not such a great flosser.

But mark my words: no matter how many Princess stickers and Diego tooth brushes he offers to Anna (she had a fabulous time there, by the way),
I will NEVER
EVER
EVER
admit to the headgear.

Uncle Sam and Princess Anna

Anna went to Brownstone summer camp on July 3rd. She came home and told me:

"Mommy, tomorrow is the birthday of our country."
[pause.]
"Mommy, why does our country have a birthday?"
[Brief talk about birthdays in general, and their application to countries specifically]
"Oh."

"Well, we learned about fireworks!"
Really, Anna? What did you learn about fireworks?

"They are red, pink, and blue..."

--

Patriotism side note: Anna has been enjoying the "Yankee Doodle" song on her Disney Classics CD. Favorite line--
"I'm a Yankee Doodle Can't See, Yankee Doodle do or die..."

Questions I Get A Lot

- difference between a leopard and a jaguar
- difference between a chimpanzee and an orangatang
- why do bees sting
- why does the earth rotate
- where do oxen live
- why do horses sleep standing up

We're In Good Hands

Thomas -
the Atlas impersonation.

Then... and Now

Then
A few days ago I was doing some filing and came across and old file tab that had fallen to the bottom of the drawer. (Doesn't this happen all the time to you?) Anyway, on it I had written:

BABY - instructions, manuals, registrations

This struck me as extremely funny.

(I am sure that this was written circa spring 2003, during those earnest months before Anna was born when I was must have been extremely concerned about things like locating manuals and making sure we had registered our purchase of the changing table.)

BABY - instructions, manuals, registrations.

Yeah. If only.

Now...
In the last three days, I have been
thrown up on (Tommy not feeling well)
peed on (Jack--my lap--overtaxed swim diaper)
and
pooed on (a bird in Hippo park).

Ah, the bird part: I was standing under the leafy canopy of branches that give Hippo park such great shade, watching the boys play in the water, and all of a sudden some kid threw a ball and hit me in the head.

Only it wasn't a ball, and there was no kid.
Looking up, I saw the bird still sitting there on the branch. Much relieved, evidently.

Quick: Name the Parental Units

Why, Dan Akroyd & Jane Curtin, of course.

Out and About

The past two Fridays Anna and Sebastian have been out on the town. Last week they went to Sebastian's beach club for a fun morning of swimming, sand, and watching DVDs in the car. This Friday it was the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they took in the new Greek and Roman sculpture gallery, Oceanic and African Art, some really big metal and wood sculptures (where was that?), a bit of modern art (building on their knowledge of Mootisse and Pigasso), and, of course, the Temple of Dendur.

Highlights included multiple coin tosses into the Temple's pool.
Wishes requested generally involved Baby Jaguar making a home visit and the granting of superhero powers.

Yikes

A few days ago in camp, Jack bit the top off of his marker.
That's right, he used his teeth to sever the tip of a standard issue Crayola.

It is fortunate that marker bits are evidently not Jack's idea of an enjoyable snack. If he hadn't handed the little purple saliva-ed lump to me, I might never have known.

(OK, maybe I would have figured it out this way...)

In Utero

"Mommy, I love you. You're the best Mommy I ever saw when I peeked out of your belly button."

About A Boy

There's a boy in Anna's preschool class named N. N moved here earlier this year.
He's from France.

• When he first arrived, at times N would answer Anna in French. She would giggle.
• After a bit of coaching from Claude the doorman, Anna now sends at least one "Bonjour!" N's way whenever she sees him. And then she giggles.
• One day Anna asked me where her [pretend] Princess phone was. She said she wanted to call N so that he could speak French to her.
  I'm sure you can imagine the giggling.
• One morning last week I was pushing Anna on the swing at the park. N was at the park as well. Anna told me "Push me higher, Mommy, I can't see N!"

N clearly has it working with the ladies, and trust me I am not just blindly perpetuating cultural stereotypes. Need proof? Bien sûr...
N's Mom told me that on "V" day at preschool, when each child brings in something that starts with the letter "V", she and N were walking by Victoria's Secret on the way to school and N asked if he could pick something from there to share with the class.

The boy is not even 4. That kind of mojo just can not be taught.

Thinking Outside The Box

"Mommy, why do the days of the week keep starting over again?"

Well, Anna, that's just how we divide up our time. And that we way can have a regular schedule: on Mondays we do this, on Tuesdays we do that, etc...

[pause] [resolutely] "I'm going to make up a new week."

"The first day would be my birthday, the second day would be your birthday, the next would be Sloane's birthday, the next would be Alexandra's, then Conrad's, then Aidan's..."

When T-Rex-es Attack

Musical Malaprops

• The song is: "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes..."
  The second verse is: "And we'll all go down to meet her when she comes..."
  Anna's 'urban' verse: "And we'll all go feed the meter when she comes..."
  
  
• The song is: "This old man, he played one, he played knick-knack..."
  becomes "Whi-stle man, he played one, he played knick-knack..."
  
  
• Elvis Presley --> Elvis Preston
  Princess Jasmine --> Princess Jazz Man
  

The State of Nature

Highlights from our "nasty, short & brutish", uh, phase:

(1) Jack takes a long nap.
Jack gets up.
Jack lays flat on his back to have his diaper changed.
Thomas is playing with a ball.
Jack yawns a particularly wide yawn.
Thomas seizes the opportunity to run over and try to stuff the ball into Jack's open mouth.
Just to see if it would fit, I suppose.

(2) Jack is eating a rice cake.
A little girl runs over and grabs it from him.
Jack gives her the evil eye.
The little girl's Mommy takes the rice cake away from her and gives it back to Jack.
Jack gives the girl the (patented) "smug and vindicated" eye.
He pauses for effect. He checks to be sure she is still looking
and stuffs the entire rice cake down his mouth.
Take that.

(3) Jack runs over to hug Tommy. Tommy gives him a stiff arm to the stomach.
But it's OK; for a couple of weeks Thomas went to bed with teeth marks every night.

This was a while ago; fortunately I can report that the retaliatory biting has pretty much ceased. But "happiness" biting--that is another story. When Jack gets happy and excited, he seems to need to exercise his jaws. We're working on it.

(4) Jack had a crisis as a result of being aware of his first bandaid. It was on his knee. He kept staring at the bandaid, pointing to it, and whimpering.
After a few minutes of this, Thomas walked over to Jack and without further ado managed to just rip the thing off.
All I can say is: I don't think Jack is going to be a big fan of the "get-it-over-quick" removal method.

(5) Thomas is a pretty peaceful guy. One of his favorite non-compliance techniques is the "lay-in". As in: if you ask him to do something and he doesn't want to do it, he just lays down on his stomach right where he is and refuses to move.

T-H-O-M-A-S

(Oh, you mean, your kid can't levitate small objects?
Really? Huh.)

Let's see: magic tricks in tight, wet skin suits.
And then there was the whole head-in-the-mouth-of-a-hippo thing.

Clearly, Thomas is going to have his name in lights. Vegas, here he comes...

Yep, It's True

Anna actually did tell someone just the other day
that this (completely lovely) person's hair
looked like pulled pork.

That's right. Pulled Pork.
And I know she didn't mean it in a mean sort of way. Quite the contrary.
Anna loves pulled pork! After being generally ho-hum about it for the past year or so, there have been days during the last two weeks when she has asked for it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pulled pork is everything good about the world, and it is astonishing how many different ways she finds to work it into everyday conversation.

So, really--Jill--as you can see, Anna did not in an way mean to imply that your hair was messed up or... stringy, or anything. ha ha ha ha ha.

(And of course feel free to come back and babysit anytime :)

Cliche, Touche...

Mommy:
"Anna, the bottom line is that you are taking a bath tonite. Get in the bathroom and let Jenny help you."

Anna [thinking. not moving]:
"And what is the top line?"

The Wicked Witch of the East

...and her little brother, too.

(Rest assured if that witch had lived in NYC in the summer, she would have traded in those ruby red slippers for pair of stylish, comfy and sprinkler-friendly purple and blue jelly flip-flops.)


Looking for the other brother? Check behind the curtains, of course.

Floor Hockey In a Pink Skirt...

also known as
the last day of the semester at the Children's Athletic Training School (CATS).

Untitled. And Uncut.

Kids Who Know Too Much

When we are out and about, if things come up, I try to explain as much as I can to Anna.

For example, if we are in a cab, we look at the map of Manhattan. We talk about the boroughs and bridges. We talk about the rights and responsibilities of the passenger and the driver. We talk about the medallion number. One day she asked me "what the other numbers are". By this she meant the line posted in every cab that lets you know that 3-1-1 is the number to call for any taxi-related issues.

So I told her about 311. Of course she asks me what "taxi-related issues" are. In my attempt to not emphasize the somewhat scary "angry cab driver from hell" scenarios while at the same time at a bit of a loss for any other taxi-related reason that I would call 311, I tried to play up the fact that if you leave something in a taxi, you can call 311 and tell them the medallion number (which is why you should always ask for the receipt) and they will help you get it back.

So at this point Anna knows:

(1) I am in the cab with Mommy.
(2) (From a previous conversation) Mommy has a history of leaving her wallet in a cab.
(3) You call 3-1-1 if you leave something in a cab.

Do you see where this is headed?
Now every time we take a taxi, as I am putting away my wallet after we pay, she grabs my hand and squeezes hard and basically jumps in my lap and says "Mommy! Don't leave me! Don't call 3-1-1 !".

If Jack and Thomas ever bring this up, I will talk about potholes.

Blister Blame

Anna had her first blister the other day. It was on her big toe.
But it must not have hurt her, because she didn't even notice it until Jenny pointed it out and asked her what was on her toe.
Anna looked at the blister for a moment and then told us:

"Alex put white marker on my toe!"

Ha ha ha. Alex is in her preschool class, and whatever else he may have done I am quite sure that blister-causing is not on his resume :)
I ended up trying to explaining to her about her blister. How people have a top layer of skin, and when it rubs against something it can get puffy, and that is OK since there is new skin underneath.
And that is when the "But Mommy, I can see my bone..." wailing began, accompanied, of course, by her very best 'I am a woman in pain' pouty face.

A few days later she looked at her toe and noticed the "white circle" (aka blister) was gone. This was almost as upsetting to her as the original discovery. She kept asking me where her skin had gone.

To which I found myself saying things like, "Well, some might have come off in the bath water, or there might be some bits in your sock, or..." Good lord! I quickly asked her if she wanted to watch some TV...

The Latest French Open Phenom

... and his fairy godmother.

Jack Sings!

Just thought you should know.
His current favorites are Ring Around the Rosie, Row Row Row Your Boat, and the ABC Song.

Hearing Jack sing "ashes, ashes..." was a bit like reading the part in Snow White where the wicked stepmother demands that her huntsman kill Snow White and bring her Snow White's heart in a box. Yikes! Who put that in there? Surely not Walt Disney?

I recall that some not-so-deft paraphrazing turned the whole thing into "and put Snow White in a box". But not without some very suspicious looks from Anna, who I am sure suspected that something more was going on in that box.

But really... was that there when I read this years ago?

Gross Anatomy

Thoughts on the human body, at a very practical level, courtesy of Anna:

• While her class was at the park, Anna told her preschool teacher that she had to make a pee. Her teacher asked her if she could hold it.
  Anna looked up at her and said thoughtfully "Yes, I can..."
  And then putting her hand out flat in front of her belly button, she followed up with "... the pee is only down to here."
• While we were playing at home, Anna told me she had an idea in her brain. I asked her what it was. She told me "I can't tell you Mommy, because it is only down to here!" and she pointed to her eyes.
  And she made me wait a solid 10 minutes for that thought to make the trip (through her sinus cavity?) down past her nose until it was finally able to come out of her mouth.

But there are also times when Anna wants to really know what is going on inside of you. If she is playing doctor, for instance, and you happen to be the stuffed animal/patient on the examining table, look out! She had horsie on the examining pillow the other day, and as she raised her toy scalpel above him she said solemnly "First we have to see what's going on in his bones..."

Do You Sea Band?

Well, Jack does.

And they kind of work. Almost. We were just turning onto 256th Street in Riverdale (my friend lives approx 10.6 miles up the West Side Highway from our apartment) when Jack coughed and threw up. But the spray was minimal. And since I hadn't given him any food for a couple of hours, not much came up. He didn't even seem that upset.

And, to be honest, in Jack's mind I think the discomfort of throwing up was totally outweighed by the uber-stylishness of the bracelets that only he got to wear. This photo was taken the next day, mind you, after Jack overheard me telling Jenny about the bracelets and our trip and insisted on putting them on again.
(And for those of you who are wondering, on the day of the BBQ his shirt color was not coordinated with his bracelets. Merely a lucky coincidence for the photo.)

And the really good news is that for the trip home I think I had both bracelets properly placed over the "pressure point", and Jack--featuring a dangerously loaded stomach full of hot dog and hamburger bun and tortilla chips--did not throw up. He even looked somewhat reasonably comfortable sitting in the car, and I didn't get the "You expect me to get into that thing?" look as we approached it to buckle him in.

So I am mildly optimistic about the Sea Band Motion Sickness Relief Bands, and at this point I am left to wonder what else the "ancient science of accupressure" can do for me.
Thanks for the tip, Gwammy and Great Gwammy. Stay tuned for our next report, when we'll attempt a 30 minute car trip with a stomach full of Saltines...

Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be All Right

Thomas is a boy who sees the world through yellow-tinted glasses. Whether that makes him an optimist or not, only time will tell. But for now, everything is surely "lellow".

He's also accumulated a very interesting set of words. Here are the highlights:

• wow!
• cool!
• more!
• cra-cker!
• me me me
• bu-bble
• ball
• beeeeeee (bird)
• geeeeeee (give)
• hello
• bye bye
• no!
  
• Anna, Mommy, Daddy, Ne-nny (Jenny), and some kind of aaaaahhhhh (Jack)
  
• of course, the ubiquitous ma-moon (balloon).

But by far his best word is the way he says 'yes'.
He says 'yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh' in a very slow and laid back sort of way that makes him sound Jamaican. Very Bob Marley. Quite hilarious. And completely at odds with his more normal Type-A approach.

Move Over, Bacon

Now there's something new!

That's right, after nearly two years in the soft glow of his sister's good graces, Jack's position as the favored son is suddenly... no more.
And it's quite officially official: I can tell you that the high chair has been moved. Anna now sits next to Thomas on the other side of the table.

Why did this all come about?
And why so suddenly?

Only Anna really knows. She has offered two explanations:

• Jack is mad at me.
• Mommy, I want to 'take turns with my loving'...

While Shopping for My Sons At Claire's...

Wait! Did I just write that out loud?

Ah, well. It's true: Jack and Thomas love beaded necklaces. They have a daily fight over the green sparkly one. Yes, it's always Mardi Gras around here...

(And don't think this is a 'just Jack' thing. Thomas is heavily involved in this, too. He, however, tends to opt for the single strand of fake pearls. Timeless. Classic.)

File This Under 'Act Natural'

Make no mistake: this is the level of drama we bring to every situation.

Born In The USA

Springsteen album cover?
Nah, it's just Jack.
I discovered him trying to stick the Princess Ariel clamshell phone into his diaper.
Not down it, mind you, just into it.

As if he was wearing one of those phone cases that you clip to your belt.
Just like Jenny does. Just like Diana does.
But they wear a belt (or at least pants).
And they also have a case.

Details, details.

First and Ten

Yet another purple-leopard-print-headbanded phenom to throw into next year's Heisman mix...

In Hot Pursuit

Thomas. A duck.

Scene From An Elevator

The Jamisons enter the elevator on the 17th Floor.
The elevator door closes.

Thomas yells 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh', runs to the back of the elevator, grabs the railing, and begins his gymnastics routine.
Jack attempts to ram the closed doors with his baby stroller. And again. And again.
Anna guards the elevator buttons, taking (loving) swipes at her brother's heads whenever they get close enough to threaten her absolute control.

The elevator door opens on the 6th Floor.
The young man and woman waiting to get on quickly assess the situation and decide they really need to go back to their apartment for something...

Tall/Grande/Vente Explained

That's right Anna, little sheep are called 'lambs'.
Just like little humans are called babies. And big humans are called adults.

[pause. Anna thinks about all this.]

"And medium humans are called big sisters!"

Gardening In The Urban Jungle

Nobody ever promised that it wouldn't involve a few risks (trowel to the cranium, flipping over a guardrail or two...)

I Want My MTV

The TV in our family room has not been working properly for a while.
The familial stress caused by it going blank in the middle of another Blues Clues (just as Joe had gotten a letter, no less) was simply too great. We had to get a new one.
So the men from the Hi-Fi store came.
They had to first take down the old TV so they could put the new one in its place.

As soon as Jack saw them start to lift that TV off the wall, he pointed, yelled, and ran at them with Elgin-Marble-theft-like indignation. He kept shouting "D! D!" (his sort of combo word for TV and DVD) and looking at me, astonished that I was letting these guys get away with this.

We were all relieved when, a few minutes later, the new one was lifted into its place.

The Doctor Is -- In --

Come one, come all. Lately, Anna has had an answer for everything. The following are some of her words of wisdom.
For free.

General

• I told Anna she needed to try to go to the bathroom before she went out to the park. She told me it wasn't necessary, that she would just pee in the park by a tree.
  
  Ignoring the obvious approach here, I tried a different tack: I reminded her that if she peed in the park she wouldn't have any privacy, and did she really want everyone watching her while she peed?
  The answer:
  "Well... I can just look away
  [dramatic sweep of her right palm upwards]
  and put up my stop hand."
  
  
• I asked Anna why she had stepped right on my purse, which was, in fact, on the floor. She told me it was because "I hadn't put it away properly".
  
  
• Anna ran up to me and told me that she was going to give me a sticker for participating. I asked her what 'participating' means. She told me
  "Participating means doing what your teacher says."
  
  
• With the bathtub letters, Anna made the word h-a-m and then sounded it out.
  Then babysitter Anna asked little Anna what ham is.
  "Hmmnn, ham... it's a kind of bologna."
  
  
• Anna, why won't you eat your corn? You love corn. You like corn muffins, right?
  "Well... I like a little bit of corn, and a little bit of muffin."
  
  
• Anna, why is the bathroom floor wet? Did you have an accident?
  "That's not pee, it's muck. Muck is a kind of water that is very dirty and lives on the floor."
  

Fashion

• Anna, why do you only wear dresses? You need to start wearing some of your skirts.
  "But dresses are more beautiful for me!"

• Anna and Tommy are playing with the trains.
  Anna has one of the people that sit in the train cars.
  Tommy is crying. Anna took his train.
  I tell Anna she can't take the train that Tommy is using.
  "But Mommy, I need a train with a seat that matches his outfit!"

Existential

• "Mommy, can the meat talk because it's taco (aka talk-o) meat?"
  
  
• Anna and I saw a photo of Bompa (great grandpa). Anna told me Bompa was with her other "die friends"--Great Grandma and her fish.
  
  
• After a reflective pause:
  "Mommy, you need a new Grandma and I need a new fish!"