Jack, trying to avoid having his diaper changed:
"I got gas Mommy."
Oh.
Thomas, trying to avoid anything he doesn't particularly want to do:
"It's too spicy."
As in:
Dinner time. Anna is fidgeting like crazy. I am sure she is going to fall off of her chair.
I ask her what's going on. Does something hurt?
"No Mommy, there's just music in my head and it's makin' me shake!"
Hmmmn. I have no idea how to respond to this.
And then out comes the most rousing rendition of Ba Ba Black Sheep I have ever heard.
(And let me tell you: I have attended a lot of preschooler music classes.)
A different dinner time. Anna is finishing her dinner.
Anna is thinking. And then:
"Mommy, my tummy is REALLY big and I just heard a 'Neigh'!"
[from inside of it]
Have I mentioned that Anna really, really wants a horse?
The first installment of what I am coming to believe will be a long and ongoing series.
"Mommy!
Did you know there is a meal
called dessert
in the middle of the night
that we keep missing???"
Ever the problem solver in these difficult times, Anna quickly drafted and announced a three point plan that includes:
"It's like an apartment that sells things and nobody lives in..."
You heard it here, kids. Isaac Mizrahi will not be cool forever.
Ah, memories of our first big attempt at the Met with all three. I love that the boys look like their heads are going to explode. We lasted about 50 minutes.
Highlights include Thomas almost pushing Jack into the Temple of Dendur's pool. I think Thomas was worried that someone else's kid might make it under the rope and into the water and scoop up all those pennies before he had a chance.
But no, mine was the only one that really seemed to be trying.
"YOU Dirty!"
"NO! YOU Dirty!"
"No no! YOU Dirtier!"
And so on.
Isn't it great they're getting older and more able to express themselves?
(Or at least, why pretend unicorns are always white.)
"Because unicorns eat cucumbers.
Inside cucumbers it is white.
The white explodes out to their skin."
Hmmm, OK, I follow that.
But what about the skin of the cucumber? That's not white.
"Well... the green is the unicorn poo."
Oh.
to her friend Lilly's wedding in Arizona. Gwammy came to stay while I was gone.
The kids were excited for Gwammy to come. I was excited that they were excited.
I also wanted them to behave.
Which led to this little cheer at dinner the night before I was to leave:
Me to the kids [in cheerleader voice]: "So, guys, how are we going to act when Gwammy gets here???"
[...dramatic pause...]
Anna, right on cue: "GOOD! We're going to act GOOD!"
My heart swelled. Yes! This was going to be great. Fine, even.
All right! Now let me follow that up with a big positive-reinforcing YAY! and then we'll...
Anna:"... and then a little bit crazy once she leaves."
Yeah, she's totally got this Mommy going away thing down.
Which also leads to phone conversations where, immediately after sniffling and telling me how much she misses me she composes herself just enough to pitifully inquire:
"...uh, Mommy... are you looking for some special things for us...?"
As hard as it is to be "on call" for them all the time, it was much tougher to be away. I missed them so much. I'm glad A was there with some material girl-esque comic relief.
And just as soon as I recovered from the double ear infections that I got when my ears didn't unplug on the flight home and the kids' leftover pink eye I picked up the day I returned to NYC, I was very very glad to be back.
Lately, Anna has been interested in bones. So we read a book about the bones in our body. She liked the page that showed a full skeleton. She knew where the skull was, and saw some long arm bones.
And then she continued down the anatomy:
"And then there's the butt bone..."
"And the two butt cheek bones...."
Just like they teach it in med school, no doubt.
A few days later she was in the bath staring at Jack's back.
"Mommy, what are all these little mountains that go down to Jack's butt?"
I believe she was referring to his spine.
Did I mention how much I love the poetic value inherent in "little mountains that go down to his butt..."?
I feel as though some kind of 'native American chiropractor' joke would be appropriate right now, but I don't have one.
Mommy wiping Thomas' nose:
"Wow T... look at this mess. What is going on? Look at all these boogers!"
Anna:
"Yeah, it's like... Grand Central Boogers in there!"
See?
Come on! That's pretty witty for a four year old.
Anna: "Thomas, what's you favorite color: red or yellow?"
Thomas: [hesitates. looks around. rolls his eyes up. hesitates again. smiles.] "Train."
Anna: "Thomas! What is your favorite color?!"
Thomas: [same routine: hesitate. eyes. hesitate. smile] "Mommy."
Anna: "Thomas! TELL ME your favorite color!"
Thomas: [completely in control. just waits. grins.] "Boat."
And on and on and on and on.
Anna pulling Thomas (on all fours with a tape measure in his mouth):
"I'm bringing Thomas to the new town hall where he is going to live tonight."
Well. At least she seems to be willing to let him leave after one night.
That is all Jack could utter in the midst of his sugar-coated joy.
That would be a sweet tart in Jack's mouth. He got it out of an egg at the Easter Egg hunt in Central Park. Hopefully his own.
It was his first sweet tart ever.
It's a shame; I think Anna could really have helped that movie live up to its potential.
Wait, I think it actually did.
We ran into (and from) a cruise ship departing New York City for sunnier shores. I was amazed at how nimble the ship was; it basically swiveled around in it's own footprint in the middle of the Hudson.
As you can see, we were all a bit shocked by the size.
Also how close it got to "shore".
I have to say, this photo doesn't even really do her justice.
Stripes on the arms, different stripes on the legs, a floral print skirt layered over the cropped pants with slightly too-big Sanibel Island T-shirt to top things off? That's tame. I mean, here she at least stuck to her standard pink/purple combo.
Just a few hours earlier while walking to school she had accesorized with her blue rubber dolphin boots, a green sweater w/hood sticking out from underneath her blue dolphin raincoat, and a knitted pink winter hat. With ear flaps.
Trust me: if there had been a wide leather belt or leg warmers at her disposal she would have found a way to work those in, too.
Anna is a multi-layered, multi-patterned fashion powerhouse. Maybe she gets it from her stylist?
[Remember Jack Nicholson's "You can't handle the truth!"? Right. The following should be read like that.]
I don't have time for the little slot!
Now how am I really supposed to get these coins into the bank?
This is Part Two of Tommy's "Solving First Problems" series. Interested in Part One?
[OK, ok this is nerdy and a bit of a stretch but hey I love that. Time will tell, however, if it is actually funny.]
