Floor Hockey In a Pink Skirt...

also known as
the last day of the semester at the Children's Athletic Training School (CATS).

Untitled. And Uncut.

Kids Who Know Too Much

When we are out and about, if things come up, I try to explain as much as I can to Anna.

For example, if we are in a cab, we look at the map of Manhattan. We talk about the boroughs and bridges. We talk about the rights and responsibilities of the passenger and the driver. We talk about the medallion number. One day she asked me "what the other numbers are". By this she meant the line posted in every cab that lets you know that 3-1-1 is the number to call for any taxi-related issues.

So I told her about 311. Of course she asks me what "taxi-related issues" are. In my attempt to not emphasize the somewhat scary "angry cab driver from hell" scenarios while at the same time at a bit of a loss for any other taxi-related reason that I would call 311, I tried to play up the fact that if you leave something in a taxi, you can call 311 and tell them the medallion number (which is why you should always ask for the receipt) and they will help you get it back.

So at this point Anna knows:

(1) I am in the cab with Mommy.
(2) (From a previous conversation) Mommy has a history of leaving her wallet in a cab.
(3) You call 3-1-1 if you leave something in a cab.

Do you see where this is headed?
Now every time we take a taxi, as I am putting away my wallet after we pay, she grabs my hand and squeezes hard and basically jumps in my lap and says "Mommy! Don't leave me! Don't call 3-1-1 !".

If Jack and Thomas ever bring this up, I will talk about potholes.

Blister Blame

Anna had her first blister the other day. It was on her big toe.
But it must not have hurt her, because she didn't even notice it until Jenny pointed it out and asked her what was on her toe.
Anna looked at the blister for a moment and then told us:

"Alex put white marker on my toe!"

Ha ha ha. Alex is in her preschool class, and whatever else he may have done I am quite sure that blister-causing is not on his resume :)
I ended up trying to explaining to her about her blister. How people have a top layer of skin, and when it rubs against something it can get puffy, and that is OK since there is new skin underneath.
And that is when the "But Mommy, I can see my bone..." wailing began, accompanied, of course, by her very best 'I am a woman in pain' pouty face.

A few days later she looked at her toe and noticed the "white circle" (aka blister) was gone. This was almost as upsetting to her as the original discovery. She kept asking me where her skin had gone.

To which I found myself saying things like, "Well, some might have come off in the bath water, or there might be some bits in your sock, or..." Good lord! I quickly asked her if she wanted to watch some TV...

The Latest French Open Phenom

... and his fairy godmother.

Jack Sings!

Just thought you should know.
His current favorites are Ring Around the Rosie, Row Row Row Your Boat, and the ABC Song.

Hearing Jack sing "ashes, ashes..." was a bit like reading the part in Snow White where the wicked stepmother demands that her huntsman kill Snow White and bring her Snow White's heart in a box. Yikes! Who put that in there? Surely not Walt Disney?

I recall that some not-so-deft paraphrazing turned the whole thing into "and put Snow White in a box". But not without some very suspicious looks from Anna, who I am sure suspected that something more was going on in that box.

But really... was that there when I read this years ago?

Gross Anatomy

Thoughts on the human body, at a very practical level, courtesy of Anna:

• While her class was at the park, Anna told her preschool teacher that she had to make a pee. Her teacher asked her if she could hold it.
  Anna looked up at her and said thoughtfully "Yes, I can..."
  And then putting her hand out flat in front of her belly button, she followed up with "... the pee is only down to here."
• While we were playing at home, Anna told me she had an idea in her brain. I asked her what it was. She told me "I can't tell you Mommy, because it is only down to here!" and she pointed to her eyes.
  And she made me wait a solid 10 minutes for that thought to make the trip (through her sinus cavity?) down past her nose until it was finally able to come out of her mouth.

But there are also times when Anna wants to really know what is going on inside of you. If she is playing doctor, for instance, and you happen to be the stuffed animal/patient on the examining table, look out! She had horsie on the examining pillow the other day, and as she raised her toy scalpel above him she said solemnly "First we have to see what's going on in his bones..."

Do You Sea Band?

Well, Jack does.

And they kind of work. Almost. We were just turning onto 256th Street in Riverdale (my friend lives approx 10.6 miles up the West Side Highway from our apartment) when Jack coughed and threw up. But the spray was minimal. And since I hadn't given him any food for a couple of hours, not much came up. He didn't even seem that upset.

And, to be honest, in Jack's mind I think the discomfort of throwing up was totally outweighed by the uber-stylishness of the bracelets that only he got to wear. This photo was taken the next day, mind you, after Jack overheard me telling Jenny about the bracelets and our trip and insisted on putting them on again.
(And for those of you who are wondering, on the day of the BBQ his shirt color was not coordinated with his bracelets. Merely a lucky coincidence for the photo.)

And the really good news is that for the trip home I think I had both bracelets properly placed over the "pressure point", and Jack--featuring a dangerously loaded stomach full of hot dog and hamburger bun and tortilla chips--did not throw up. He even looked somewhat reasonably comfortable sitting in the car, and I didn't get the "You expect me to get into that thing?" look as we approached it to buckle him in.

So I am mildly optimistic about the Sea Band Motion Sickness Relief Bands, and at this point I am left to wonder what else the "ancient science of accupressure" can do for me.
Thanks for the tip, Gwammy and Great Gwammy. Stay tuned for our next report, when we'll attempt a 30 minute car trip with a stomach full of Saltines...

Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be All Right

Thomas is a boy who sees the world through yellow-tinted glasses. Whether that makes him an optimist or not, only time will tell. But for now, everything is surely "lellow".

He's also accumulated a very interesting set of words. Here are the highlights:

• wow!
• cool!
• more!
• cra-cker!
• me me me
• bu-bble
• ball
• beeeeeee (bird)
• geeeeeee (give)
• hello
• bye bye
• no!
  
• Anna, Mommy, Daddy, Ne-nny (Jenny), and some kind of aaaaahhhhh (Jack)
  
• of course, the ubiquitous ma-moon (balloon).

But by far his best word is the way he says 'yes'.
He says 'yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh' in a very slow and laid back sort of way that makes him sound Jamaican. Very Bob Marley. Quite hilarious. And completely at odds with his more normal Type-A approach.

Move Over, Bacon

Now there's something new!

That's right, after nearly two years in the soft glow of his sister's good graces, Jack's position as the favored son is suddenly... no more.
And it's quite officially official: I can tell you that the high chair has been moved. Anna now sits next to Thomas on the other side of the table.

Why did this all come about?
And why so suddenly?

Only Anna really knows. She has offered two explanations:

• Jack is mad at me.
• Mommy, I want to 'take turns with my loving'...

While Shopping for My Sons At Claire's...

Wait! Did I just write that out loud?

Ah, well. It's true: Jack and Thomas love beaded necklaces. They have a daily fight over the green sparkly one. Yes, it's always Mardi Gras around here...

(And don't think this is a 'just Jack' thing. Thomas is heavily involved in this, too. He, however, tends to opt for the single strand of fake pearls. Timeless. Classic.)

File This Under 'Act Natural'

Make no mistake: this is the level of drama we bring to every situation.

Born In The USA

Springsteen album cover?
Nah, it's just Jack.
I discovered him trying to stick the Princess Ariel clamshell phone into his diaper.
Not down it, mind you, just into it.

As if he was wearing one of those phone cases that you clip to your belt.
Just like Jenny does. Just like Diana does.
But they wear a belt (or at least pants).
And they also have a case.

Details, details.

First and Ten

Yet another purple-leopard-print-headbanded phenom to throw into next year's Heisman mix...

In Hot Pursuit

Thomas. A duck.

Scene From An Elevator

The Jamisons enter the elevator on the 17th Floor.
The elevator door closes.

Thomas yells 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh', runs to the back of the elevator, grabs the railing, and begins his gymnastics routine.
Jack attempts to ram the closed doors with his baby stroller. And again. And again.
Anna guards the elevator buttons, taking (loving) swipes at her brother's heads whenever they get close enough to threaten her absolute control.

The elevator door opens on the 6th Floor.
The young man and woman waiting to get on quickly assess the situation and decide they really need to go back to their apartment for something...

Tall/Grande/Vente Explained

That's right Anna, little sheep are called 'lambs'.
Just like little humans are called babies. And big humans are called adults.

[pause. Anna thinks about all this.]

"And medium humans are called big sisters!"

Gardening In The Urban Jungle

Nobody ever promised that it wouldn't involve a few risks (trowel to the cranium, flipping over a guardrail or two...)

I Want My MTV

The TV in our family room has not been working properly for a while.
The familial stress caused by it going blank in the middle of another Blues Clues (just as Joe had gotten a letter, no less) was simply too great. We had to get a new one.
So the men from the Hi-Fi store came.
They had to first take down the old TV so they could put the new one in its place.

As soon as Jack saw them start to lift that TV off the wall, he pointed, yelled, and ran at them with Elgin-Marble-theft-like indignation. He kept shouting "D! D!" (his sort of combo word for TV and DVD) and looking at me, astonished that I was letting these guys get away with this.

We were all relieved when, a few minutes later, the new one was lifted into its place.

The Doctor Is -- In --

Come one, come all. Lately, Anna has had an answer for everything. The following are some of her words of wisdom.
For free.

General

• I told Anna she needed to try to go to the bathroom before she went out to the park. She told me it wasn't necessary, that she would just pee in the park by a tree.
  
  Ignoring the obvious approach here, I tried a different tack: I reminded her that if she peed in the park she wouldn't have any privacy, and did she really want everyone watching her while she peed?
  The answer:
  "Well... I can just look away
  [dramatic sweep of her right palm upwards]
  and put up my stop hand."
  
  
• I asked Anna why she had stepped right on my purse, which was, in fact, on the floor. She told me it was because "I hadn't put it away properly".
  
  
• Anna ran up to me and told me that she was going to give me a sticker for participating. I asked her what 'participating' means. She told me
  "Participating means doing what your teacher says."
  
  
• With the bathtub letters, Anna made the word h-a-m and then sounded it out.
  Then babysitter Anna asked little Anna what ham is.
  "Hmmnn, ham... it's a kind of bologna."
  
  
• Anna, why won't you eat your corn? You love corn. You like corn muffins, right?
  "Well... I like a little bit of corn, and a little bit of muffin."
  
  
• Anna, why is the bathroom floor wet? Did you have an accident?
  "That's not pee, it's muck. Muck is a kind of water that is very dirty and lives on the floor."
  

Fashion

• Anna, why do you only wear dresses? You need to start wearing some of your skirts.
  "But dresses are more beautiful for me!"

• Anna and Tommy are playing with the trains.
  Anna has one of the people that sit in the train cars.
  Tommy is crying. Anna took his train.
  I tell Anna she can't take the train that Tommy is using.
  "But Mommy, I need a train with a seat that matches his outfit!"

Existential

• "Mommy, can the meat talk because it's taco (aka talk-o) meat?"
  
  
• Anna and I saw a photo of Bompa (great grandpa). Anna told me Bompa was with her other "die friends"--Great Grandma and her fish.
  
  
• After a reflective pause:
  "Mommy, you need a new Grandma and I need a new fish!"